Are you really overdoing it in love?
You feel like you’re giving too much in your relationship.
Or you suffer from loving too much when you realise that your partner is not as much into you.
This article aims to help you find out if you love too much, the negative consequences this can have on your relationship and finally to understand what is behind this attitude.
Are you really overdoing it?
Personally I think that there is no scorecard in love, but rather a general assessment of the reciprocity of interest in the other partner.
Do you notice a real imbalance in any of the following areas:
- Who acts to see the other?
- Who engages in the relationship?
- Who integrates the other into their life?
- Who cares for the other?
If you see a real imbalance in several of these areas, then you are clearly forcing love by giving too much.
By doing too much you prevent yourself from receiving
By giving too much you don’t give the other person the opportunity to give to you, to show interest, to experience true reciprocity, since they are receiving so much from you.
By doing too much you prevent yourself from knowing how your partner gives
Every partner has a different way of showing love and a different frequency of showing it. By constantly taking the lead, you prevent yourself from observing how your partner shows his or her love and possibly from directing him or her on how you would like to receive their love or attention.
By doing too much you create an imbalance in the relationship
By getting into the habit of systematically giving more than you receive, you create a kind of “norm” in the couple regarding the balance between taking, giving and receiving. This will make it more difficult to change this balance in the long run and may ultimately result in driving the other person away, as they will feel indebted to this imbalance.
Why are you overdoing it?
You feel very well that giving too much is not healthy for the relationship and that if you continue at this pace, after a while you will be exhausted, because you will not be nourished at all in the relationship.
However, you can’t help it, you only know how to give too much.
Giving too much is a form of buying the other person’s love. The real question is to ask yourself why you systematically overdo it:
- To show that you are worthy of being loved?
- To make sure he doesn’t abandon you?
- Because it is difficult or selfish for you to receive?
It is worth digging into your past to understand what generated this way of acting in love, to deprogram this reflex to give too much, and then to learn to give in a balanced way in reciprocity. This is what I propose in my individual coaching.