How does the wound of abandonment manifest in love affairs?

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The wound of abandonment: how it manifests itself in love

You live in constant fear of being abandoned or you are very dependent on the other person to feel good.

The wound of abandonment can take many forms in love. 

Beware, it is common to confuse the wound of rejection with the wound of abandonment – read this article to better understand the difference. This article is part of a series of 5 articles I wrote about the 5 wounds of the soul according to Lise Bourbeau.


The wound of abandonment is related to doing and having

Someone who has the wound of abandonment doubts his or her way of doing things, his or her right to have in love (not to be confounded with the wound of rejection which is based on being):

  • You constantly doubt your way of acting or communicating
  • You doubt that you can have what you want in love
  • You find it hard to have your own opinion
  • You need a lot of attention
  • You do everything to be loved and avoid being abandoned

In short, this wound about doing/having blurs your inner judgment and can take on different patterns:

  • You are emotionally dependent and accept everything from the other person.
  • Your need for reassurance is so strong that you end up suffocating your partner.
  • You get into a relationship to avoid being alone, even if you are not in love.
  • You lose yourself completely in the relationship and forget your life and priorities. If your partner keeps his or her priorities, you feel abandoned.
  • You look for the love in a relationship that you can’t give yourself.
  • You give up at the slightest difficulty or do not commit to your own happiness.
  • You struggle to help yourself and ask your partner for support.
  • You have difficulty leaving your partner. 
  • You abandon partners who don’t seem strong enough.
  • You lack confidence in your judgement: what should I do? is it right for me to do this? do I have the right to have and ask for what I need?
  • You quickly feel a deep emptiness, a deep sadness.

A simple wound can impact your love life in many ways. This is why the first step in my coaching is to do an assessment to identify the wounds that block you in love, in particular with the programme Opening up to Love.

Healing the wound of abandonment

To heal the wound of abandonment there are for me two steps:

  1. Understanding where this wound of abandonment comes from in your past
  2. De-programming this automatic reaction in the body (this step is included in individual coaching)

In this free webinar I explain why our past wounds are stored in the body.

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Your challenge: learn to meet your own needs

Healing the wound of abandonment will allow you to react less emotionally to situations of abandonment and to abandon yourself less.

It will also require you to reinforce behaviours that are more beneficial to you, by becoming your priority in life and learning to meet your needs first yourself. Thus the impact of the other in your life will be less important and your inner judgement more clear and serene about what you need to do and/or are entitled to have.

You will also have to learn to persevere and not give up at the first difficulty. In short, to take back your personal power.

If you want to implement these new habits in your life, then my individual coaching will give you the means to do so.