You may wonder why you cannot be happy in love, and you don’t really know where it comes from.
You’ve heard of a love pattern, but it’s a vague notion.
What is a love pattern?
A love pattern (a synonym is also a limiting belief in love) is a thesis that you unconsciously feel “as true” in love. This thesis is so “integrated” in you that you do not even question it or even realize it.
In the course of your life you have recorded a certain number of theses or concepts about love, depending on your experiences:
- These theories can be helpful if they give you a positive vision on love.
- They can be restrictive if you have a negative attitude towards love.
To know if you have a limiting pattern in love, you just need to know if you are happy or unhappy in love.
If you are unhappy, this inevitably means that you have restrictive love patterns. In other words, we all have restrictive love patterns. Some people are able to enter into a relationship and will have to deal with conflict, for others the patterns are so restrictive that they cannot even enter into a long-term relationship.
A love pattern can take 3 directions:
- It can refer to you as a person
I don’t deserve love
I am dependent in love
I’m fat, so I can’t be loved
I need to be perfect to be loved
- It may have something to do with your views on men
You can’t rely on men
Men always cheat on their wives
Men are all bastards
- It can predetermine the future of your relationship. These include the famous five wounds of Lise Bourbeau and many other patterns.
I will always be rejected
I will always be let down
I will always be betrayed
I will always be humiliated
I will always be a victim of injustice
I will always be unhappy in love
I would always have to sacrifice myself to be loved
It determines who you are attracted to, because you unconsciously choose the person who will confirm that your love pattern is correct, even if it is negative.
What makes us repeat the love patterns?
Once you find yourself in a stressful situation in love (meaning for one reason or another you are not getting the love you want or need), the reptilian brain will make a search in its database to find out what the reaction was in your past, that has allowed you to survive this lack of love, and it will send neurotransmitters to the body so that you can repeat the action (you block, you run, you fight) and the emotions that allowed you to “survive” at first.
The origins of a love pattern
The origins of your love patterns can be many and diverse:
- Many love patterns have their origin in your childhood, in the way you received love from your parents, but also in the way you felt your parents’ partnership model.
- For example, if women in your family have been mistreated or abused by men, you can inherit this fear of men, even if you haven’t had any bad experiences with men yourself.
- This may be due to your birth or how the intrauterine period went (I have a full article on this).
- It can come from the culture of the countries you have lived in, from books and films that have shaped you.
- And finally, your secret love patterns based on your personal life experiences and love affairs.
How do you record a love pattern?
In this free webinar I explain how you record a love pattern and why it is stored in your body.
Webinar How a wound from the past is created?
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How do you change your love patterns?
The following points of view are divided.
Many coaches, therapists, psychotherapists or love counsellors believe that it is enough to become aware of your love pattern and then pretend that this pattern does not exist in order to change it.
I personally think that this is not always sufficient.
Why isn’t it always enough?
Because I believe that the motifs of reaction are recorded at the level of the reptilian brain and not at the level of the rational brain, which helps us to become aware of our patterns.
In stressful situations in love, the rational brain is switched off, so to speak, and it is the reptilian brain that takes control over our actions, reactions and emotions.
With time and repetition, the reptilian brain delegates its programming to the body level, especially to the organs. This explains why the more we repeat a pattern, the more this programming becomes anchored, the more automatic it becomes and the more difficult it is to change. This also explains why you still don’t understand why you act this way when you actually want to act differently rationally.
The reptilian brain also determines who you are attracted to (Dawn Maslar proved this scientifically, see my article on the chemistry of attraction).
If you are unlucky enough to have experienced very negative love patterns, you will often be attracted to men who make you suffer.
It is therefore important to deprogram this reptilian brain in three steps:
Step 1: Recognize the love patterns you keep repeating
Step 1 is to become aware of your love patterns. This includes a complete evaluation of your love life since childhood, of your transgenerational heritage from birth, in order to understand your relationship and love response mechanisms.
This is what I offer in my 4-week online self-study program Opening up for Love. This program includes a personal assessment, which is done by myself, as it requires some experience to recognize the patterns.
Step 2 Deprogram love patterns in the reptilian brain and organs
In the psychocorporeal approach that I practice, we will first examine which event from the past is the origin of the motif in order to understand which organs have recorded this pattern.
Then, using a massage of the visceral osteopathic type, we will deprogram the pattern by preventing the organs from responding (i.e. cramping or fleeing) to the event that created the pattern.
This way the memory in the organs is deleted.
Step 3: Reprogramming the desired reaction pattern
To prevent the reptilian brain from registering a new pattern that isn’t beneficial to us, we will directly reprogram the reaction pattern we want in love (following step 2, except this is positive).
So the reptilian brain will help you in love so that you will be attracted to people who are more useful to you, or that you will find faith in love (love makes you happy), in men (men want to make their wives happy) or in yourself (I am worthy to be loved as I am).
To change love patterns for good, you only need to come to a one-to-one session for one day. Once the patterns are changed, there is no need to come back. This day is an integral part of my individual coaching.