The Impact of rape and sexual touching on Relationships
When I became a coach, I didn’t expect to have so many women raped, touched, or had experiences where they were considered as sexual objects.
This subject is still taboo and often those who suffer from it keep silent, either to preserve “family harmony”, or to forget, or because they feel partially responsible (they all had no reason to “tease”) or because they didn’t realise that what happened was not normal.
In this article I have tried to list the different impacts that these aggressions can have in the love life of a woman based on my observations during the support I gave them.
Lack of trust in men
This is the most obvious impact, yet it is not necessarily the one I have observed the most.
If the rape or the touching happened with family members, there is also a fundamental lack of safety, because the person who is supposed to protect you is abusing you.
Lack of orgasm
Following rape or touching, sexuality can be seen as dirty and pleasure can be seen as bad. The woman may have difficulty letting go to reach orgasm.
Using Sexuality as a Means of Controlling Men
Sexuality becomes a way of controlling men, or even “monetizing” their attention. There may be a need for love to be transactional, i.e. there may be an exchange of love for gifts or money.
Being cut off from your feelings/body
In order to survive this situation, the person has cut themselves off from their body so that they no longer “feel” the event.
Alternating friendly or passionate in relationships
A person who has experienced this kind of trauma can alternate between fulfilling relationships that are still friendly and passionate and sexually fulfilling but without a future.
A strong woman who struggles to show her vulnerability
Sometimes the counter-reaction is to become a strong woman who hides her vulnerability, who has almost a rather masculine, and dominant side, a bit like taking over what has just happened.
Ultra-strong woman
This kind of trauma can cause the woman to inscribe that love as necessarily linked to sexuality and therefore she becomes ultra seductive in order to receive love.
Difficulty seducing
The opposite effect also occurs. Here the woman has recorded that seduction can be dangerous for her.
Self sabotage
If the woman thinks its her fault and she’s guilty, she can totally sabotage herself in terms of love, as she believes that she is not worthy of being loved.
Somatisation
It is very common for people who have suffered from this kind of trauma to develop diseases of the female organs such as the uterus, ovaries or breasts.
The body is even more pronounced
If you havent noticed yet, I’m deprogramming the love patterns on a body level.
Watch this free webinar to understand why love patterns are recorded at the body level (in this article where I talk about love patterns)
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When a person’s physical integrity was violated, I can observe a kind of “barrier” in the lower abdomen, as if the body wanted to disconnect to protect itself. The skin can sometimes become insensitive. The organs are also more in compaction than usual. The second massage I practice to get the emotional overflow out helps to get these traumas out of the body’s memory.
The forgiveness stage
Forgiving the aggressor and possibly the accomplices, in other words, people who knew about it and did not speak up, is an important step to move on.
In my professional experience, forgiving oneself is the most difficult. How many people who have lived through these traumas must feel partly responsible for what happened, thinking that they were teased or provoked, they feel guilty for having taken pleasure in the act or blame themselves for not having defended themselves sufficiently or for not having talked about it earlier.
The final step is to forgive the universe, life or God (depending on personal spiritual beliefs) for the injustices you sufferedfrom.
Finding one’s sacred self
This is a step that is often forgotten but is extremely important. These traumas can break a person’s bodily integrity and they need to regain the sacred aspect of their body. This goes far beyond self-esteem.
In kundalini yoga you can work on this point by reciting the mantra Happy am I, Healthy am I, Holy am I or by doing meditation for the intrusive thoughts.
