83. Do you love too much or give too much in love?

Are you really doing too much?

Personally I think there is no apothecary’s accounting in love, but rather a general assessment of the reciprocity of interest toward the other partner.

Do you notice a real imbalance in one of the following areas:

• Who takes action to see the other?
• Who commits to the relationship?
• Who integrates the other into their life?
• Who shows consideration for the other?

If this too much comes more from your thoughts/projections you can listen to episode 50 on the Disney syndrome.

If you notice a real imbalance in several of these areas, then you are clearly forcing love by giving too much.

❤️ Watch my webinar on how to finally be happy in love!

By doing too much you prevent yourself from receiving

By giving too much you do not give the other person the opportunity to give to you, to show their interest, to experience real reciprocity, since they receive as much from you.

By doing too much you prevent yourself from knowing how your partner gives

Each partner has a different way of showing their love and a different frequency for showing it. By constantly taking the lead, you prevent yourself from observing how your partner shows their love and possibly from guiding them on how you would like to receive their love or attention.

By doing too much you create an imbalance in the relationship

By getting into the habit of systematically giving more than you receive, you create a kind of “norm” in the couple in terms of the balance between taking, giving and receiving. This will make it harder to change this balance in the long term and may have as its ultimate consequence making the other run away, because they will feel indebted in the face of this imbalance (I explain this in the next episode 84 on relational debt).

Why are you doing too much?

You sense very well that giving too much is not healthy for the relationship and that if you keep going at this pace, after a while you will be drained, because you will no longer be nourished at all in the relationship.

Yet it is stronger than you, you only know how to give too much.

Giving too much is a way of buying the other’s love. The real question is to ask yourself why you systematically do too much:

• To show that you are worthy of being loved?
• To be sure he does not abandon you?
• Because it is difficult or selfish for you to receive?

It is worth digging into your past to understand what generated this way of acting in love, to deprogram this reflex of giving too much, then to learn to give in a balanced way in reciprocity. This is what I offer in my program Opening up to love. 

Going further

If you want to explore the topic further and identify your own love patterns, you have my book S’ouvrir à l’amour available in all bookstores.

And if you want to work on your love patterns through the body and transform your love life, you have the program Opening up to love. You can take the Day of the Past option, a day of Somatic Deprogramming: a psycho-corporal practice to deprogram the automatic patterns of the nervous system and reprogram new relational reflexes.