Managing the dating phase
You are active on dating sites or you meet people in real life and you have difficulty managing the early stages.
You would like to show your interest without feeling like you’re trying to put the squeeze on him, to take the time to get to know him without immediately projecting yourself into the relationship and to know if he’s really interested and serious about a lasting relationship.
This article aims to give you the main keys to managing first dates.
No movie until the story has really started
The first two or three dates after chatting with someone on a dating site don’t mean anything.
They only serve to confirm whether or not you are interested in getting to know the other potential partner in more depth.
Wait until they clearly confirm their intention towards you before you call it a relationship or start acting out.
Dating is also about statistics
This requires you to create enough opportunities through online or real life sites to expand your circle of acquaintances and among these new acquaintances meet the right person for you. If you estimate that about 5-10% of the people you meet are a good match for you, this means that you need to meet between 90-95 people to meet 5-10 people who are a good match for you. This requires you to invest time and stay motivated over time.
That’s why I advise you to keep meeting other people until the commitment is formal and clearly communicated.
Meet up fairly quickly in person
This advice is especially important if you meet the person online, mainly because you get an idea of the person that necessarily differs from reality (in this article you get all my tips for online dating). And keep the date short so you don’t have to stay with the person for 3 hours if it doesn’t suit you at all.
No preconceived ideas after one or two appointments
Not everyone is comfortable on first dates. Some men may want to try to impress you by listing all the things they are good at (this is not always egocentric). Take time to get to know the person from different angles and activities before deciding whether or not they are compatible with you. This will prevent you from having regrets too.
Spot the red flags
The main red flags are:
If the person you are meeting is critical of all their exes
They tend to impose their choices
They try to change you
Their actions don’t match their words
If you feel you have to justify yourself or if you don’t feel free
Managing expectation and the unknown
You may be afraid of getting hurt, suspicious or anxious when you don’t get an immediate response from him.
Through more positive affirmations or by visualising your happiness in love as inevitable, you can develop a mindset that will be more useful in your search for partners. It takes some discipline, but you can totally change your dating experience.
If you feel totally blocked by negative thoughts between dates, it’s worth deprogramming the love patterns that cause these thoughts. Changing your inner dialogue and deprogramming your love patterns is an integral part of my Individual Coaching.
You only listen to the butterflies in your stomach
If you read my articles, you know that the butterflies in your stomach are not necessarily a sign that you love him or her and that this feeling of attraction can be negatively influenced by your love patterns (see here the full article).
The feeling of love can grow slowly over time, without passion.
Choosing a partner is for me a real mix between heart and mind and it takes time to make the right choice.
Avoid frustration by keeping a balance between your partner search and your life
Too much or too little is never good, it’s up to you to see what is the right investment of time in your partner search to avoid frustration.
You choose and don’t just try to be chosen
The purpose of these first dates is not to please the other person. The goal of these first dates is to see if you are compatible without effort.
This means showing yourself 100% as you are, without any seduction games, and taking the time to ask yourself the right questions to see if it’s a good fit. Taking the time to see if the person you meet is your ideal partner and compatible with your lifestyle, without changing it, is extremely important.
This is why participants in the Individual Coaching are given a dating journal to ask themselves the right questions as their dating progresses.
The right person is not only who they are, but how they act with you
You may meet someone who you think is perfect, who fits all your criteria, but that is not enough to identify them as the right person for you.
It is also and above all the interest, motivation, behaviour and commitment to you and the relationship that will make them the RIGHT person for you.
Observe their actions, not what they tell you.
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