How do you grieve a relationship?

How do you grieve a relationship?

You just broke up and you can’t move on. Your thoughts go from feeling hurt and failing to anger. And sometimes you even have hope that the separation is not final.

In clear, this emotional turmoil shows that you’re still in shock.

To recover from a breakup and grieve, there are several stages:

1. Dealing with shock

It doesn’t matter who decided to end the relationship, the moment it happens is a shock, even if you knew the relationship wasn’t working or that the breakup was imminent.

Why is that?

Because a decision has been made and your brain doesn’t know the consequences yet.

This shock puts the body in a state of alert, you often have physical manifestations such as feeling a lump in your stomach, crying all the time, feeling like the ground is dissolving under your feet or even not feeling anything at all.

You may even go into total denial, i.e. you don’t believe that the relationship is really over.

All of these symptoms are protective mechanisms in your body to help you deal with this shock.

The solution?

Scan through the body. If you try to reason yourself at this point, it won’t help, because your survival brain is in control, not your rational brain:

• Exercise or yoga
• Practice breathing exercises try this ECAP Method

• Whenever a negative emotion invades you, listen to this free emergency meditation to help you calm down and get out of this emergency mode

• Take Rescue drops from Dr. Bach (unless contraindicated by your doctor) to help your body eliminate stress.

2. Wearing yourself off

When you’ve been in a relationship and especially if you’ve slept together often, the body produces a hormonal cocktail of happiness and attachment in the presence of your partner.

When you break up, you literally go into withdrawal from this hormonal cocktail, even if the relationship wasn’t fulfilling.

To help you go through the withdrawal gently, try spend as much time as possible with people you love. This will help you compensate for the hormonal decrease due to your separation by simply being around other people you care about.

You can also listen daily to this selflove meditation

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3. Bringing out your anger

It’s a crucial step in the grieving process.

Depending on your family history, this stage will be more or less difficult to externalise, because this emotion is very much influenced by your environment (how your family deals with anger, how the country where you live or your culture accepts anger).

Here again, your anger is not intellectual/rational, it is physical and it is important to let it out.

Anger is imprinted, stored in the organ of the liver, and if it is not released, it could turn into anguish, self-judgment, or even guilt, which will only lengthen the actual grieving phase.

The first step is to welcome and feel your anger:

  • By putting it out on your own: screaming in a forest, expressing your anger in front of a mirror. Let it out. A very good Kundalini yoga exercise to get this anger out is the « Fist of anger ».

• Getting help: There are several body techniques to help you get your anger out. The one I practice is the Thai belly massage which allows you to empty your emotional bag, to get out your anger and what is hidden under this anger (sadness, anguish, impotence…).

Once you have expressed and felt this anger, it’s about letting go by doing a ritual of forgiveness. Write me an e-mail to receive the instructions on how to do the ritual.

4. Grieving the relationship

The main difficulty in grieving a relationship is that the person left by choice and it’s not death that made them go away. If you have children with this person, you even have to deal with them regularly.

This means that there is always a little voice that will remind you of this rejection: « he prefers to live alone rather than with me or he’d rather be with someone else.»

This phase of deep sadness is inevitable. It is a mental process that allows you to close the last hopes you have about the relationship, to finally accept the situation and move on.

It can be almost like a depressive phase where you feel more like isolating yourself from the world.

To shorten this grieving phase, it’s very important to focus on yourself, to understand what you did wrong in the relationship (or let it happen).

It’s not an easy pill to accept, I understand that, but for me

Being unhappy in Love is neither a coincidence nor a stroke of bad luck

By accepting your share of responsibility, you will more easily accept the end of the relationship and regain control of your love life.

Yogi Bhajan, a founder of Kundalini yoga, says that we “suffer so much when we think that the situation we are in will never end”.

And if you know what you need to do to change the course of your love life, your suffering stops.

To go further, my self-study online course Opening up to Love will help you discover why your love relationship(s) didn’t work, what you did wrong and what unconscious patterns from your childhood you are repeating in your love life.

5. Acceptance

You have understood and accepted the breakup and finally ready to find a new partner.
This is the ideal time to change the love patterns you have identified, before starting a new relationship, as these will influence who you’ll fall in love with. 

How do you really change your love patterns?

To take it a step further, my coaching program will help you change your love patterns for good and learn the keys to being happy as a couple.

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