How can you forget your ex?

How can you forget your ex?

You’ve come to understand that splitting up with your ex-partner or ex-husband was a good decision. Still, it’s hard for you to let go and move on.

You’d like to know what you need to do to get over your ex, to finally restore yourself after a love breakup.

Emotional tidal waves are inevitable.

In my article how to grieve over a relationship I give you the different steps for grieving and give you the tools in order to regain some emotional stability.

You should know that it’s normal for these emotions to come in waves like tidal waves. Depending on your thoughts, you will be able to reduce their intensity and duration, but it is an illusion to think that these phases will never be there at all.

 

Pushing yourself to get over your ex

If the separation is difficult for you, the first step is to completely cut off all contact with your former partner: get rid of his or her belongings, don’t see them anymore, remove their contact details from your phone and remove them from your social network. 

Simply because when you avoid the source of suffering, the suffering fades away. A bit like when you’ve just burned yourself and you avoid approaching the area that’s just been burnt by a fire, because this area of your skin is more sensitive to heat than the rest of the skin now.

It doesn’t mean it’s permanent, it simply to give yourself a break, time to recover and feel strong enough to decide whether you want to make contact again or not.

If you’re falling out of a divorce and you have kids with your ex, you’re imposed to keep in touch. Here too, you can keep it to a minimum: for example, you can have the children go out when their father arrives, limit the communication to a minimum via SMS or essential phone calls, allowing you to keep a certain distance.

This does not mean that you are being a coward or weak, it just means that you have decided to accompany yourself with love in this break-up and that you’re giving yourself time to heal your wounds.

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Understanding why your relationship didn’t work out

Once the emotional wave has passed and you feel strong enough, understanding why your relationship didn’t work out is the step that will allow you to turn the page.

Taking into account what worked well and what didnt in your last relationship allows you to become more aware of your mistakes and therefore to review them for the next relationship.

BUT also being aware of your resources, as in saying all the good things you have done.

Too many women are very hard on themselves and feel guilty or responsible for the failure of their relationship, when there are so many factors that can make a relationship fail:

  • Wounds from the past that awaken in each of the partners and provoke existing crisis. It is no longer two adults in a couple who talk to each other, but two children who are helpless in the face of their past wounds.
  • Visions of the future that separate. After several years it is possible for each partner to evolve in opposite directions, making the couple no longer relevant.
  • Conflicts that are prolonged in time and too many (evil) words have been said with a possible return to the past. Sometimes the partners are compatible, but their exchanges have reached a point of no return. 
  • One of the partners is not ready to work on himself. One partner can be motivated and aware of why this can happen in couples, but the other partner does not feel ready or doesn’t have the strength to do this personal work on himself or simply doesn’t want to do it. This is often the most difficult situation to go through, because the partner who is ready to do the work still has hope in resolving the conflict. Unfortunately timing is key in personal development. You have to want and choose to change for this change to actually work; personal change to please someone cannot work over time.

What helps here is to focus on what we can control and change, i.e. understanding the lessons of our mistakes and freeing ourselves from the past that makes us repeat certain patterns in our relationship.

If you want to understand how the past can create a love pattern for you, take a look at my free webinar by registering below.

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Defining and imagining yourself in a future relationship

Energy goes where intention flows (energy goes where your intention goes)

Once you have understood your mistakes, you need to give yourself the right to unlock a new phase of your life, open a new door by believing again in your happiness and your ability to be happy as a couple.

In my program Opening up to love I devote an entire module to it, I feel it’s important to be clear about what you want in order to receive it.

 

And to give you the right to receive

What you can practice right now, every time you think about your ex or every time you think about some of the good memories you had together, ask yourself how you’d like to have the same experience with your new partner. Give yourself the right to change or improve that experience or imagine a whole new one.

You will see that your ex will have less and less importance in your head and therefore in your life.