Your boyfriend’s actions make you angry.
You accumulate frustration after frustration in your relationship or with your children.
You get anxious easily when your partner expresses doubts about the relationship.
And you think that all these emotions you feel are caused by the actions of others.
Well, it’s not the case!
I’ll tell you why in this article.
You are 100% responsible for your emotions
Yes I know, it’s not easy to swallow.
Even if the person in front of you is behaving badly, it’s not what they do that will generate the emotions you feel, but what you think about the situation.
Let’s take the example of your partner who gets angry and says something nasty to you in the heat of the moment (let’s take the fact that he says you’re an idiot as an example, so that you can feel this inner emotional tension):
- If you think ‘what’s wrong with him, he doesn’t usually talk to me like that’ or
- If you think ‘he disrespects me’,
you can see for yourself that you will not experience the same emotion.
This also explains why two people facing the same circumstances can feel totally different emotions.
This is also what can lead to misunderstandings in the couple, as partners do not understand each other’s emotional reaction (“she is so angry about this little thing”, “I don’t understand why he is so sensitive”).
Take your power back
The good news is that no matter what the circumstances, you can decide what emotions you want to feel by working on your thoughts.
In other words, other people do not have the power to make you feel bad or good.
If you feel bad, it is because you have decided to feel that emotion, choosing what you want to think about the situation or you have decided not to act on the situation.
All your emotions are your friends
This does not mean that you should not feel uncomfortable emotions.
Whether they are comfortable or uncomfortable, emotions are there to convey a message to you:
- A thought that serves you or does not serve you
- A need that you listen to or don’t listen to
- A result that is achieved or not
- A possibility to grow
- A possibility to expand your field of possibilities
Uncomfortable emotions help you move forward just as much as comfortable ones, because they can motivate you to change a situation that doesn’t suit you.
Taking back your power is simply taking responsibility for how you feel and what you decide to do with it.
Welcome your emotions first
Ideally, everyone would like to be able to take back their power in an instant.
It’s more often a learning process that starts with giving yourself the right to accept emotions for what they are, i.e. a physiological reaction of your body because
- refuse to feel the emotion
- judging it
- compensating for the emotion with false pleasure
will only increase it.
Listen to this free meditation that will help you welcome this emotion without judgment.
three MEDITATIONS FOR MORE SERENITY
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Then consider addressing the underlying problem
What will really change your life is taking the time afterwards to be aware of what the message of your emotion is and then deciding how to respond to it:
- Is it rather a personal work on your thoughts that you need to do to remain more serene in the face of situations that you cannot change?
- Or does the emotion you feel give you the message that there are things to change so that you feel more fulfilled in your relationship? If so, what can you change on your own and what do you need to discuss with your partner?
Emotional responsibility is a core topic of my Individual Coaching, as it is a fundamental pillar for cultivating serene relationships.