How Do I Know If He Likes Me?
91. How Do I Know If He Likes Me?
You’re starting to chat with someone, you go on a few dates and you’d like to know if he likes you?
You’ve spotted a colleague at work and you’d like to know his interest?
You’d like to know the signs of non-verbal language that show he’s interested?
So episode 91, drawn from my 8 years of practice, is made for you.
Stop Analyzing the Slightest Signs
When a man is interested you generally have no doubts:
- he looks for ways to see you
- he has time to see you
- he introduces you to his friends
- he wants to do something other than Netflix and chill
- he is interested in you and your life
- you feel reciprocity in the interest
- you’re not the one who makes it possible for the two of you to see each other
In short if you look at his actions you have no doubts (or at least few because part of your doubts may come from your own fears or thought patterns.)
If you start analyzing his slightest gestures, his non-verbal language as a sign of interest it risks giving you a false idea of the other’s interest:
- Is it just a sexual attraction?
- Does the person simply know the codes of seduction and put them into practice?
- What about an introverted person who has a hard time with non-verbal language?
The other’s actions don’t all have the same weight in evaluating his interest in you.
A person who smiles at you, a person who likes your posts or your stories doesn’t necessarily mean that they are interested.
I rather advise not to give too much importance to these signs in order to better observe the real actions of interest.
❤️ Watch my webinar on how to finally be happy in love!
You Choose and Are Not Only Chosen
Pleasing the other is something that is outside your zone of control.
It will depend on the other, on their perception of you, their expectations or projections, their evaluation criteria and also (and above all) their love patterns.
By putting your focus on pleasing the other you put unnecessary pressure on yourself that can prevent you from showing yourself as you are and makes you overlook the fact that you are also in a process of choosing.
To understand this, try this: every time the thought “I hope he’ll like me” comes to you, tell yourself “I’m curious to know if this person is the right one for me” and see what this creates in you as a posture.
Where Does This Need to Please Come From
We all have this need to be loved and therefore to please to a certain extent. For women, culturally, we have also received this notion of “being chosen”.
However I invite you to dig into why this need to please is particularly important to you by going back into your personal history:
- Have you often been rejected in your past? (see episode 16 for more info on the rejection wound)
- Are you in emotional dependency that makes you anticipate your needs (see episodes episodes 73 and 74 for more info)?
- Do you feel particularly insecure in the first month of dating, in this period that holds more of the unknown (then episode 92 is for you) ?
It’s important to understand what is going on in you , what your underlying love patterns are because they are what will make you repeat your worst consequence namely displeasing.
Why? Because you will unconsciously choose (be attracted to) people who will make you confirm your love patterns in love.
For you
FREE Webinar "HOW TO FREE OURSELVES FROM THE PATTERNS THAT PREVENT US FROM BEING HAPPY IN LOVE?"
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The solution to reverse this trend is to:
- Understand the cause of this need to please and deprogram this love pattern through the body.
- Learn to consciously change your mindset in dating and to put yourself in a position of choice.
This is what we do in the program Opening up to love. You can take the Day of the Past option, a day of Somatic Deprogramming: psycho-corporeal work to deprogram nervous system automatisms and reprogram new relational reflexes.
Sandy Kaufmann
is a somatic therapist and coach, based in Switzerland. She is the author of two books published by Éditions Eyrolles and has accompanied more than 600 people. She is the creator of the Somatic Deprogramming method and hosts the podcast “S’ouvrir à l’amour“, ranked in the French top 50 in the relationships category.
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