You made a decision to part with your partner and you regret your decision.
So before you do anything, read this article.
Understand my real motivations before I get my ex back.
When you separate from someone, whether you want to or not, you find yourself alone and don’t know if you’re going to meet someone new soon.
If you fear being alone or not meeting someone else, it can completely obscure your mind from the “right reasons” why you left that person and you could regret your decision.
This is a normal reaction of your reptilian brain towards the unknown, as it will prefer what it knows, even if it is less good for you.
To counteract this, you can do the 2 following things:
- Re-list all the reasons why you left that person. and read that list again whenever you doubt your decision.
- Reassuring your reptilian brain about how you’re not going to end up alone:
- If you’re more rational, you can, for example, look at the statistics of single men in your age category within your city.
- If you’re more emotional, look at girls your age, who look like you and settled down happily married now. Here, it is important to find a case in which you believe, and you don’t see any other girl as being “superior” to you and that you think her boyfriend is good, so that your reptilian brain believes that and thanks to this example you may also have your chances.
Take some time to think about it
If, despite everything, you find that you really want to get back together with your ex because you still love him or her, and not out of fear of being alone, the first thing to do is to understand your reaction mechanisms:
- Did you leave your partner because you were afraid of getting hurt?
- Are you leaving your partner because it’s too difficult for you to face conflict?
- Did you leave your partner because being in a couple means sacrificing your needs for the other one?
Because going back to your ex WITHOUT understanding and changing your partner’s reaction mechanisms will make you repeat the same scenarios.
Check out my free webinar to understand how a past trauma can create a reaction pattern.
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If you want to take this to the next stage, you can follow my online program Open to Love designed to help you do this work of reflection by identifying in 4 weeks your love patterns and their origins from your past.
After this deep reflection, ask yourself if you still want to go back to your ex-partner and if yes, you can go to the next step.
Returning to a previous partner sincerely and accepting the necessary time for healing
The next step is to sincerely communicate your inner reflection to your ex-partner and tell him or her that you still love him or her and that you want to start a relationship with him or her again.
Your ex-partner may be hurt and may need time to make up their mind or forgive you.
Giving them this time without any rush is the best thing you can do.
Try to meet more people, as if you’ve just met a new person, without waiting for it to start all over again.
Think of this return as a new relationship
The key to making it really work is to have understood the mistakes you have made and consciously decide to act differently. (And have your partner do the same, because mistakes are rarely 100% one-sided).
This is more difficult when you’ve already formed habits with someone.
To help you in this process, I suggest that you write down every day/week all the actions you have done that shows this change.