Feeling Attractive
162. Feeling Attractive
You have the feeling that you do not attract the right people: the overbearing ones, the unavailable people, the people who do not interest you.
Or when someone interests you, you feel invisible in their eyes.
This episode follows on from episodes 160 and 161 which I recommend you listen to first. In this episode we are really going to focus on the confidence that you are attractive, that is to say that people who are attractive to you will also be attracted by you.
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An explanation of why you cling in love
If you think you rarely attract people or that the right opportunity is rare, you will inevitably put yourself under enormous pressure for things to work with the person who shows a slight interest and you will try to influence the other into falling in love with you, something you cannot totally influence as I explained in episode 160.
Your obstacle to feeling attractive: your ability to receive
Which makes you think you are not attractive is often linked to your estimation of what you can receive in a general way.
To this end, you can ask yourself
- is it easy for you to receive whether it is love, attention, gifts…?
- what is your balance between taking, giving and receiving in your relationships?
- what do you do when you receive: do you give back at the same level or even more?
Key number 1 to getting out: becoming aware of everything you receive and attract positively naturally
This includes the smiles of people, the little attentions of your friends, the little compliments you can receive from strangers in the street, the little gestures of shopkeepers who add a little napkin so you do not get dirty when you take your lunch break, someone who brings you your favourite chocolate… Do not stint on the little attentions you receive automatically because it is really by focusing on the repetition that you will see the quantity of what you are already receiving.
Key number 2: Learn to receive without giving
For the relationships where you noticed there was an imbalance between taking, giving and receiving, simply stop giving to find a better balance and learn to fully enjoy when you receive. Observe what happens in your body when you do it, it can be uncomfortable, you may have the impulse to want to change the balance. Learn to sit with this uncomfortable sensation, note the thoughts that cross your mind. This will teach you a lot about the price to pay that you have registered.
For you
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Key number 3: Give yourself what you would like to receive
Give your nervous system the habit of receiving. If you want love, give yourself love, if you want attention, give yourself attention. If you want little gifts, give yourself gifts. By doing so, you experience it by feeling what it does to you to receive and you thus create new standards for yourself in a relationship.
Key number 4: Choose your thoughts
It is exactly the same reasoning as in episode 161 where the first thought that comes to you is induced by the state of your nervous system, so you need to go through the body and then choose a helpful thought that reassures you about your ability to attract. Typically reminding yourself at that moment of the things on your list that you already receive can help you change your thought easily.
Key number 5: Work on your aura or radiant body
In Kundalini Yoga (episode 61 lists all the benefits of this yoga) your ability to attract is directly linked to the strength of your aura, more particularly of your radiant body which is one of the layers of your aura. I remember that my yoga teacher Guru Jagat had said that all our past relationships, that all our past partners left a trace in this radiant body and that it influenced our capacity for attraction especially if they were not positive for you.
I am putting a link to exercises to work on your radiant body.
In the programme Opening Up to Love, I have the sequence « Green opportunity and energy » that Guru Jagat had recommended we do to work on the radiant body.
Pour aller plus loin
Si tu as envie d’approfondir le sujet et d’identifier tes propres schémas amoureux (pas que celui en lien avec le fait de te sentir belle) tu as mon livre S’ouvrir à l’amour disponible dans toutes les librairies. Il y a notamment un outil pour t’apprendre à renouer avec ta valeur.
S'ouvrir à l'Amour
Le livre qui va te permettre d'identifier tes schémas amoureux et te permettre d'apprendre les clefs pour construire une relation saine
Going further
And if you would like to do the work on your love patterns through the body and transform how you see yourself, you have the programme Opening Up to Love. And if you feel this pattern is very deeply anchored in you, you can always take the Day of the Past option, a day of Somatic Deprogramming: a psycho-corporeal approach to deprogram the automatisms of the nervous system — including the judgements on your body and your identity — and reprogram new relational reflexes.
Sandy Kaufmann
is a somatic therapist and coach, based in Switzerland. She is the author of two books published by Éditions Eyrolles and has accompanied more than 600 people. She is the creator of the Somatic Deprogramming method and hosts the podcast “S’ouvrir a l’amour“, ranked in the French top 50 in the relationships category.
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