Trusting Your Judgment Again After Several Failed Relationships
115. Trusting Your Judgment Again After Several Failed Relationships
You’ve gone through several breakups and lost confidence in yourself.
You’d like to get out of the spiral of failed relationships but don’t know how?
Episode 115 of S’ouvrir à l’amour will give you the steps, drawn from my 8 years of practice, to bounce back after a series of failed relationships.
An Ending Is Not Necessarily a Failure
For me every relationship is a relational learning experience and not necessarily a failure.
Dare to ask yourself whether the end of this relationship was really bad or whether it was an obvious natural ending because:
- You had different timings
- You weren’t compatible in character or lifestyle
- The other person doesn’t match what you’re looking for in a partner
- Your relationship wasn’t adding extra fulfillment to your life (the famous cherry on the cake)
An ending can, on the contrary, be proof of courage, because you decided not to stay in a relationship at all costs.
What will help you regain confidence in your judgment is to understand why your last relationships didn’t work, which part is influenced by love patterns, which part comes from your behaviors and which part belongs to the other. By having this clear vision, it will be easier to dare to take a risk in relationship again.
Below I give you 3 avenues to clarify this vision:
Take Stock of Your Romantic Relationships
If you notice that several relationships ended for exactly the same reasons, it may mean you have one or more love patterns that work against you in love.
A love pattern can also show up in both directions, meaning you may have had several relationships where your partner cheated on you, for example, and you may also leave your partner for someone else.
Watch my free webinar that explains how a love pattern is created.
For you
FREE Webinar "HOW TO FREE OURSELVES FROM THE PATTERNS THAT PREVENT US FROM BEING HAPPY IN LOVE?"
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Identifying your love patterns is an integral part of my program Opening up to love, because it is only this way that you can become aware of the cause of your failed relationships.
Once identified, they then of course need to be deprogrammed; I personally use a psycho-corporeal approach to do this. This deprogramming is also an integral part of my in-depth program Opening up to love.
Acknowledge Your Share of the Blame and Theirs
The success or failure of a relationship is always 50-50. Honestly acknowledge your share of the blame in the relationship (in terms of behaviors, communication, conflict management, emotional independence…) and theirs.
That way you will be able to learn from your mistakes and correct course in your next relationship.
❤️ Watch my webinar on how to finally be happy in love!
(Re)define Your Ideal Partner
Sometimes a relationship was doomed to fail from the start, simply because you hadn’t taken the time to define and choose your partner according to your ideal.
Taking the time to define what you want and to choose your partner in alignment with your choice helps avoid many romantic disappointments in the long run.
That is why I devote an entire module to it in my program Opening up to love.
What You Can’t Avoid
It’s zero risk.
You need to get to know your partner and go through several stages for your couple to be built.
Even a rigorous selection won’t prevent a relationship from ending along the way, because either you or your partner realizes your incompatibility.
The only thing you can do is take the time to ask yourself the right questions as the relationship evolves, for a more conscious choice. That is what I offer to do in my in-depth program Opening up to love.
Going further
If you’d like to dive deeper into the topic and identify your own love patterns, there’s my book Opening up to love, available in all bookstores.
And if you need help learning all this, you can join my program Opening up to love, the fruit of my 8 years of practice. You can choose the Day of the Past option, a day of Somatic Deprogramming: psycho-corporal approach to deprogram your nervous system’s automatic patterns and reprogram new relational reflexes.
Sandy Kaufmann
is a somatic therapist and coach, based in Switzerland. She is the author of two books published by Éditions Eyrolles and has accompanied more than 600 people. She is the creator of the Somatic Deprogramming method and hosts the podcast “S’ouvrir à l’amour“, ranked in the French top 50 in the relationships category.
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