Why does your partner pull away ?

Case 1:  It is a normal realignment phase

A relationship goes through different stages (see episode 6 on the different stages of a relationship) and it is normal for each partner to ask themselves whether they want to commit more to the relationship, as it evolves.

When the other partner is in this phase of choosing, you may feel a certain distance or insecurity. This is a normal situation because it is rare for partners to make this choice at the same time.

The best way to help the other position themselves regarding the relationship is for you to confirm your own position by clearly saying where you want the relationship to go and your feelings. This requires daring to show your vulnerability. Getting into seduction games like “I run, you chase” or panicking can on the contrary create more insecurity in their choice. And if the partner chooses not to continue the relationship, tell yourself that ultimately it is something better for you than continuing to get attached to someone who wants something different from you.

Case 2:  He needs to check that he can be himself in the relationship

This case can happen after 2-3 months of relationship where there was a clear mutual commitment but several conflicts/clashes/reproaches made to the other, which can make the other doubt their ability to be themselves in the relationship, to remain free in the relationship. In this case you can ask yourself whether your past actions have added to or on the contrary subtracted from the emotional bank account of the relationship and whether your partner’s actions so far have shown a clear commitment on their part. By taking stock of these two questions, you will come to understand that this distance is a natural need of your partner to reassure themselves about their doubt.

Case 3:  He does not want to commit but he does not say it clearly

He is in a phase where he wants to have fun more than to commit to a relationship. And that is his right. Only in this case the other is not going to tell you clearly and distance himself once you have had an intimate relationship. In this case you can dare to go and clarify with the other what he really wants and ask yourself from what point you want to enter into intimacy with a partner, for example if you first want to verify the other’s intention through their actions before entering intimacy or if you are ok taking this risk.

Case 4:  He is afraid to commit

His feelings for you are growing and there, all of a sudden, he is afraid of repeating certain past experiences and of suffering again.

Waiting for him, in this case, is not going to help him change. It is a personal choice to want to take the risk of loving again, you cannot “convince” the other. It may be that his fear is too great and that he never takes that step.

So again, when your personal timing is reached and you clearly communicate your expectations about the relationship, he will have to position himself more clearly on his side.

In all cases your positioning is key

You may have noticed that the solution to all these scenarios comes down to your alignment, your positioning, that is to say your ability to clearly express your wish to continue the relationship, to express what you want from the relationship and your expectations and your ability to take responsibility for the consequences of your actions.

The clearer and more aligned you are, the more your partner will be obliged to be clear and aligned.

If being aligned seems difficult to you, it is no coincidence, it means you have past experiences that made you record that being aligned can potentially make you lose love or that you do not have the right to clearly communicate what you want.

Watch my free webinar to find out how you may have recorded this pattern.