How to Make Them Fall in Love With You?
160. How to Make Them Fall in Love With You?
You would like to know how to make the other fall head over heels in love with you?
You wonder if there is a recipe to get there because you have the impression that for some people it is easy.
You really have a crush on someone and you would so much like them to fall in love with you and you do not know how to do it.
In this episode I am going to give you my concrete advice for positively influencing this process but also to invite you to see the problem behind the fact of absolutely wanting the other to fall in love with you.
You do not have the remote control of love
The feeling of love of someone is not influenced by what you do but by how the other perceives you. This perception that the other has of you is influenced:
- By the models they know, the famous love patterns which is what gives them those famous butterflies in the stomach. You can listen to episode 3 on this subject.
- By the story they tell themselves about you, which is steeped in their own filters, for example what makes a person desirable, attractive, good for a serious relationship.
The process of falling in love
Beyond the initial attraction there are several factors that influence the process of falling in love, that is to say of going from simple attraction to the desire to build with this person.
From a physiological point of view the process of falling in love and influenced by several factors, you can listen to episode 29 on this subject:
- The joy of spending good times together (dopamine circuit).
- The fact of being reassured in one’s choice, of having a certain security. It reduces the anxiety of taking risks and investing in the relationship with someone one does not know.
- Time. For the woman it takes a certain time for her to reach a level of dopamine and oxytocin that make her fall in love and for the man he also needs time to create new receptors to the increase in his level of vasopressin and testosterone for him to fall in love. Understanding that the transition from sexual attraction to falling in love takes time can allow you to understand that it is not by giving everything at the beginning of a relationship or by making extraordinary efforts that you will influence this feeling. This can even have the opposite effect if you are a woman in love with a man because what increases the level of testosterone and vasopressin in the man is the effort made for the relationship to work.
Change your focus
By often asking yourself what you can do to make them fall in love with you, you can even create the opposite effect. If you do everything to please, if you take the majority of the initiatives for this relationship to be built, you establish a one-way dynamic that is to say where the other has nothing to do for the relationship to work and therefore they do not ask themselves questions about their interest in you or the relationship either, their desire to invest, quite simply because they never feel the lack or the need to do something for things to work.
Whereas for a relationship to work, it is the reciprocity of interest and the reciprocity of actions that establishes a balanced exchange dynamic between the two partners.
The other disadvantage is that you forget to choose the other and to ask yourself if this is someone who suits you and also to verify their interest.
Question yourself about your focus
It is worth going deeper into why you have this reflex of asking yourself the question how to make them fall in love with you.
It is often that you received love that was conditioned by what you do or that you had the feeling of not being enough to be loved and therefore that what you do will automatically influence the love or the interest that you receive from others whereas that is not the case.
If you want to learn more about how your past influences your relationships and why you need to go through the body to do this healing work I invite you to watch my free wébinaire “How to free yourself from love patterns to finally be happy in love?”
For you
FREE Webinar "HOW TO FREE OURSELVES FROM THE PATTERNS THAT PREVENT US FROM BEING HAPPY IN LOVE?"
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Pour aller plus loin
Si tu as envie d’approfondir le sujet et d’identifier tes propres schémas amoureux tu as mon livre S’ouvrir à l’amour disponible dans toutes les librairies.
S'ouvrir à l'Amour
Le livre qui va te permettre d'identifier tes schémas amoureux et te permettre d'apprendre les clefs pour construire une relation saine
Going further
And if you would like to do the work on your love patterns through the body and transform your love life you have the programme Opening Up to Love.
Sandy Kaufmann
is a somatic therapist and coach, based in Switzerland. She is the author of two books published by Éditions Eyrolles and has accompanied more than 600 people. She is the creator of the Somatic Deprogramming method and hosts the podcast “S’ouvrir a l’amour“, ranked in the French top 50 in the relationships category.
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