Twin Flames
169. Twin Flames
You have heard of the word twin flame or soul mate and you would like to know the signs. You have the impression of having met your twin flame and you cannot manage to be happy in your relationship, you would like to know how to move past that. You know firmly that your partner is your twin flame, it is as magnificent as it is suffering and you wonder up to what point it is good to keep trying for things to work with your twin flame. Recently, several people came to me talking about their twin flames and that is why she wanted to make this episode. Having accompanied more than 600 people, this pattern comes back regularly: a relational intensity lived as unique and supernatural, which nonetheless makes the relationship painful. In this episode I am going to try to define what twin flames are, the signs that you might be with a twin flame, the danger I see in it and my invitation if you believe in twin flames. I am well aware that this is an episode that could exasperate people who believe in twin flames. As a preamble, I would like to clarify that I am someone who believes strongly in spirituality, in incarnation and in the realisation of one’s karma. I believe in soul mates (I think that we have several soul mates), in the fact that the couple is also a meeting of souls and so I hope that this preamble will help you to listen to this episode all the way through.
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Definition of twin flames and the signs that show you are in a relationship with a twin flame
According to various definitions I have been able to read on the web, a twin flame is a person with whom we have a feeling of having an intense soul connection. This connection would be so intense because twin flames would be the result of the splitting of one and the same soul into two different entities, each having an opposite and complementary polarity (Yin and Yang). This splitting would take place at the moment of our incarnation.
The goal of twin flames being to manage to overcome the obstacles that separate them in order to find this unity of soul again.
Meeting one’s twin flame is considered by some to be the most powerful soul encounter a person can experience, we also speak of a karmic encounter, meaning that we can meet this twin flame in several of our incarnations until we have managed to overcome this challenge of incarnation.
By definition we would have only one twin flame.
The signs that are often mentioned to indicate that you have met your twin flame are:
- An intense almost telepathic instant connection. It is this feeling of having the impression of having known the other forever and of having a form of divine connection.
- An intensity in desire and the emotional and carnal connection
- Insecurities and doubts are amplified in the relationship with the twin flame (this is the challenge of incarnation)
- There are phases of fusion and phases of separation/drama. If separation occurs, twin flames often end up coming back together like magnets, as if destiny were putting your twin flame back on your path to invite you to overcome the obstacles that separate you. There can be a feeling that it is impossible to forget this twin flame
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The difference between a soul mate and a twin flame
I did not find a unanimous definition, the difference between a soul mate and a twin flame would be that soul mates attract each other and complement each other but are two different entities and that through their union they elevate themselves without necessarily going through this karmic challenge, this kind of obstacle to overcome, whereas that is the case for twin flames.
Love is a meeting of souls
I sincerely think that we have soul mates, people with whom we will be able to pass through a stage of spiritual elevation together. I also think that we have several soul mates and that we can find these soul mates again in several incarnations to continue our elevation.
I also think that the couple is truly a meeting between two souls who will evolve and grow together and that is what makes, for me, the beauty of love.
The danger of twin flames
Even if you firmly believe in twin flames, I invite you to listen to my reasoning on the following points:
- There is only one twin flame
If having a twin flame is a challenge of incarnation, why would you have this challenge with only one single person? By definition, this limits your opportunities to take up this karmic challenge. - It is normal that there are obstacles, doubts and that everything is amplified in the presence of one’s twin flame
This postulate can also make you stay and accept a toxic relationship without transforming what you (your half-soul) need to learn: if you have inherited the Yin polarity, this means that your challenge would be to embody the Yang polarity in this life and therefore set limits, establish a framework where you feel safe to relate; if you have inherited the Yang polarity this means that you must embody the Yin polarity in this life and therefore learn to connect to and respect your sensitive inner world and therefore above all not remain in the status quo of a toxic relationship. - Intensity is necessarily a good sign
Intensity can just as easily reflect a strong attraction as a traumatic attachment, because the person we encounter awakens wounds from the past and this also awakens intense emotions. It can even be so intense that we can confuse those feelings with the feeling of love. I spoke about it in episode 165.
My invitation: what if you reformulated the word twin flames with the words a soul mate with a traumatic attachment?
Why does this change everything in my view?
Already because you do not put the stake of your life (the goal of your incarnation) on one single person but you trust that life will put the right people, the right situations on your path to challenge your transformation.
Having a traumatic attachment also implies that your insecurities and doubts are amplified in the relationship but that their resolution is not linked to the relationship but rather to addressing your insecurities and doubts. It also implies that this work with the other also has a limit when the relationship becomes toxic or is only suffering.
Spiritual bypass as a protective mechanism of your nervous system
Explaining what happens to you in life through spiritual signs (mirror hours, numerology, twin flames, tarot) can be a flight mechanism that prevents you from confronting what bothers you in the relationship and allows you to accept the status quo while hoping for better days.
This mechanism has often taken root in childhood to give you an escape route from what you experienced that was difficult, with a feeling that there is hope even if you cannot yet see the signs in the current situation, or to give you a feeling that someone (the universe, God, energies…) supports you somewhere.
And there you can rightly tell yourself: but not all spiritual signs are bad.
How do you know if these are real signs or a spiritual bypass mechanism?
As it happens I also had this tendency and asked myself this question too. I share my conclusions which are mine alone of course:
- Signs do not only justify negative situations, they also indicate the path of the positive.
- Signs do not only confirm what you want to hear.
- Signs whisper and are not necessarily linked to an emotional intensity.
- Signs guide you and also invite you to take action, whereas the spiritual bypass mechanism makes you flee from reality and pushes you toward inaction or accepting the situation.
- Signs do not incite you to suffer and they remain in love toward yourself. They are benevolent.
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Getting out of traumatic attachment
- The first step is to identify the origin of this traumatic attachment by identifying your love patterns. From experience with the people I have accompanied, there is often the pattern of abuse, the fact of being unwanted or even of parental neglect that we camouflage by fleeing from reality.
- When the intensity felt in the relationship is so strong, working to deprogram love patterns through the body is essential because the other is like a drug. This is what we do with the Day of the Past option (an option of the Opening Up to Love programme), a day of Somatic Deprogramming: a psycho-corporeal approach to deprogram the automatisms of the nervous system and reprogram new relational reflexes.
- Then it is about lifting the veil and challenging your interpretations and projections to confront yourself with reality. This can involve weaning yourself off the tools you use to receive “signs” and learning to evaluate situations using facts alone. Until this evaluation becomes easy and allows you to differentiate your spiritual bypass mechanism from the real signs.
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Going further
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Sandy Kaufmann
is a somatic therapist and coach, based in Switzerland. She is the author of two books published by Éditions Eyrolles and has accompanied more than 600 people. She is the creator of the Somatic Deprogramming method and hosts the podcast “S’ouvrir a l’amour“, ranked in the French top 50 in the relationships category.
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