124. How to Seduce and Approach a Guy?

Why You Shouldn’t Play a Role in Seduction

When I read the recommendations of some love coaches who advise their female clients, in order to seduce their potential partners, to show how exciting and unconventional their life is, encouraging them to surprise their man at every new date, I just want to explode.

Firstly, why is it up to the woman to prove to the man that she’s worthy of his attention, worthy of his love, by playing a role that isn’t who she is?
Why this pressure to have to make an effort to be loved?
Why this implication that ultimately just being yourself in love isn’t enough?
Would you follow this advice to make friends?

No, right?

Well, it’s the same thing in love.

Not only is this behavior unsustainable over time, but it’s the best way to enter a relationship with someone who isn’t right for you, eventually leading to a breakup and suffering.

Because yes, this man may be charmed by these unconventional gestures, these surprises, but he’ll have no idea who you really are.

Let Go of Your Preconceptions About Seduction

We All Have a Preconceived Image of What a Woman Should Do to Seduce:

• Is it transactional: if the man shows his interest, do I have to give him something in return?
• Are you afraid of coming across as a flirt?
• Do you think you need a certain attitude, a certain way of dressing, a certain look?
• Is it the possibility of being rejected that’s holding you back?
• What are your negative experiences with seduction: for example I saw my mother, who knew how to seduce, but who ended up with men who didn’t respect her, so I didn’t want to seduce because of that. One client had always heard her brothers have purely physical criteria for finding women attractive, so she unconsciously thought she had to play by those rules.

By becoming aware of these preconceptions, you’ll be able to be at peace with your own version of a seductress.

Be Yourself in Seduction: You Have EVERYTHING Going for You

No need to change yourself, no need to imagine unconventional and surprising situations, there’s nothing more seductive than a woman who fully owns who she is, even if it means having an opinion, a view different from her potential partner’s.

The mistakes we often make are that when we’ve just met someone, we often try to fit into a mold, to show ourselves in a light by becoming the person we think the other will like.

Because being yourself is your best seduction asset, with your qualities and especially with your flaws, because let’s admit it, someone perfect is also deadly boring.

If you show yourself as you are, if you show your future partner your world and your passions, you let him discover a world that’s totally new to him, since it’s yours, and it won’t be hard for you to keep offering him that over time, because these are your personal passions, you’re not playing a role.

That also means daring to have a different opinion, daring to contradict him, to challenge him, and daring to displease him. And even less running away so he follows you. I assure you men love a woman who has her own opinion, it’s very sexy.

Let me give you my own example:

When I met my husband, I talked to him about my passion for complementary medicine and personal development. I gave him Feng Shui advice and talked about energy and spirituality. He studied medicine for 2 years, then became a physiotherapist and he’s totally the opposite of all that, in fact he’s even an atheist, so spirituality is really not his thing. Hearing me talk about this world makes him laugh and still charms him now, because it’s the opposite of his world.

So if you’re girly, a Disney fan and you love stuffed animals, show him your world.

If you’re a fan of sports, music, travel, show him your world.

Because after all, if he doesn’t like your world, he’s simply not right for you.

So for example if humor is one of your qualities, use it, but if it’s not your strong suit, don’t try to make a joke to seem interesting, because firstly it might not work, and secondly, it will show.

Get Him to Approach You

The simplest way is to encourage the man to come approach you rather than you approaching him. And it’s even better for making him fall in love (I explain why in episode 29 The process of falling in love).

And for him to dare approach you, he needs to know that you won’t reject him, so he needs a very clear green light showing that you want him to come over, for example by looking at him and smiling for long enough.