Shock Relationships
105. Shock Relationships
Do you feel that since your last breakup you keep going from one short story to the next, all ending in failure?
You don’t understand this string of failures because the relationship was a beautiful one and you parted on good terms?
Or on the contrary you were very aware that this former relationship was unfulfilling or even toxic and that the separation was therefore good for you, and despite that you notice your following stories aren’t great.
If you recognize yourself in one of these scenarios, maybe you went through a relationship I call a shock relationship, a pattern I’ve observed in the 600 people I’ve accompanied.
Definition of a Shock Relationship
A shock relationship is a relationship that changed the course of a person’s love life. Before this relationship this person’s love life was going rather well (even if the relationships ended) and after this relationship they went through one love failure after another.
If you make a timeline of your past relationships you clearly see a before and an after. It wasn’t a conscious shock for you but your survival system recorded it as a shock. Here it’s your results in love that will tell you whether you had a shock relationship or not.
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Positive Shock Relationships
If you’ve had a very beautiful relationship, it can unconsciously become your ideal and you may tend to compare your new relationships with that former relationship, which means the new relationships have no chance of really working. In this case there can be:
- either a belief to work on if you feel you were responsible for the breakup
- or there is no belief to work on but the mourning of this “ideal” relationship remains to be done to let love enter your life again. One way to do it is to evaluate the relationship as a whole and not only the positive. You can put into practice the hara-kiri method, which consists in reminding yourself why the relationship ended, that is, by recalling all the aspects that weren’t right.
Negative Shock Relationships
If you’ve had a relationship that was marking in the negative sense, that is, one that made you doubt your ability to love or to be loved and following this relationship you went through one love failure after another, it often means that this relationship generated a new negative belief about love. In this case you would need to identify which new belief was created by this relationship.
Unfinished Shock Relationships
These are relationships that are neither negative nor positive, because they never really started, but that at the same time occupy your mind all day long and close you off to meeting someone.
It’s a bit like a chapter that isn’t finished.
Here there isn’t necessarily a belief that was created but rather the need to break the illusion of what it could have been.
❤️ Watch my webinar on how to finally be happy in love!
How to free yourself from the impact of a shock relationship?
I see 2 steps:
- Free yourself from the limiting belief / love pattern this relationship created and deprogram it through the body. In the case of a shock I start from the event to intuitively find which pattern it generated in you.
- Get your body out of this state of shock. Your nervous system tends to store shock situations more strongly, notably in the stomach and the diaphragm. The second massage that I do during the Day of the Past helps do this.
What’s incredible is that almost every time we work on a shock relationship the ex resurfaces a few days later (not necessarily with the aim of getting back together), the proof that a release is taking place.
All these steps are included in my program Opening up to love
All these steps are included in my program Opening up to love. You can take the Day of the Past option, a day of Somatic Deprogramming: psycho-corporeal work to deprogram nervous system automatisms and reprogram new relational reflexes.
Sandy Kaufmann
is a somatic therapist and coach, based in Switzerland. She is the author of two books published by Éditions Eyrolles and has accompanied more than 600 people. She is the creator of the Somatic Deprogramming method and hosts the podcast “S’ouvrir à l’amour“, ranked in the French top 50 in the relationships category.
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