{"id":1197104,"date":"2026-09-23T08:18:34","date_gmt":"2026-09-23T08:18:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/153-the-4-categories-of-relationship-patterns\/"},"modified":"2026-09-23T11:35:29","modified_gmt":"2026-09-23T11:35:29","slug":"153-the-4-categories-of-relationship-patterns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/153-the-4-categories-of-relationship-patterns\/","title":{"rendered":"153. The 4 Categories of Relationship Patterns"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"1197104\" class=\"elementor elementor-1197104 elementor-1075030\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-7ed86594 elementor-section-content-top elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-min-height elementor-section-items-bottom elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"7ed86594\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-6ea7bd98\" data-id=\"6ea7bd98\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3d639127 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"3d639127\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-xl\">The 4 Categories of Relationship Patterns<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-62d37295 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"62d37295\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4e162bd6\" data-id=\"4e162bd6\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-376509b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"376509b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This episode is part of a trio of episodes designed to introduce you to my approach to relationship coaching.<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/152-l-impact-du-systeme-nerveux-dans-tes-relations\/\">episode 152<\/a>, I explain why your nervous system impacts the way you relate. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this episode I&#8217;m going to describe the 4 main categories of patterns based on my empirical observation of the people I&#8217;ve been able to work with.<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/154-the-3-states-of-your-nervous-system-and-the-polyvagal-scale\/\">episode 154<\/a> I&#8217;ll go into more detail about the 3 states of your nervous system and the polyvagal ladder.<\/span>\n\n&nbsp;\n\n<p class=\"has-background\" style=\"background-color: #eeeeee;\">\u2764\ufe0f Watch <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/inscriptionblessurepasse\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">my webinar<\/a><\/strong> on how to finally be happy in love!<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a620e1c elementor-hidden-desktop elementor-hidden-tablet elementor-hidden-mobile elementor-widget elementor-widget-shortcode\" data-id=\"a620e1c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"shortcode.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-shortcode\"><iframe name=\"Ausha Podcast Player\" frameborder=\"0\" loading=\"lazy\" id=\"ausha-BAOG\" height=\"220\" style=\"border: none; width:100%; height:220px\" src=\"https:\/\/player.ausha.co\/?showId=bjPkYiPMPlqo&color=%23d13523&podcastId=yJ4lZhjKrkw6&v=3&playerId=ausha-BAOG\"><\/iframe><script src=\"https:\/\/player.ausha.co\/ausha-player.js\"><\/script>\n<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b8d8830 elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"b8d8830\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;youtube_url&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/youtu.be\\\/7TcGtPn4614&quot;,&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;youtube&quot;,&quot;controls&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-video\"><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4dc2b12 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"4dc2b12\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Pathways_and_4_Categories_of_Relationship_Patterns_in_Love\"><\/span>2 Pathways and 4 Categories of Relationship Patterns in Love <span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3574bfe elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"3574bfe\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Based on what I&#8217;ve observed with the 600 clients I&#8217;ve had the honor of coaching, and if you consider that as I described in <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/152-l-impact-du-systeme-nerveux-dans-tes-relations\/\">episode 152<\/a> your nervous system wants to ensure your survival, there are 4 categories of relationship patterns that fall into 2 pathways:<\/span><\/p><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>The threat pathway<\/b> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The world (including others) is threatening, what I do or don&#8217;t do influences the level of external threat and therefore also influences my ability to create connection, to be happy in love.<\/span> <\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>The rejection pathway<\/b> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What I am or am not prevents me from being in connection. Whatever I do, I don&#8217;t have my place or I don&#8217;t have support from connection.<\/span><\/li><\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Which makes sense ultimately. If your relationship patterns are recorded in your nervous system, which is your survival system, there are only 2 things that can harm your survival, namely: <\/span><\/p><ul><li aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The level of threat and your personal ability to face that threat. A wolf won&#8217;t be afraid of a rabbit but if it confronts a bear, the threat is different. <\/span><\/li><\/ul><ul><li aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Belonging to the group. A wolf excluded from its pack won&#8217;t be able to face threat the same way as a wolf surrounded by its pack. <\/span><\/li><\/ul><p><b><i>The Threat Pathway<\/i><\/b><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The threat pathway includes 3 mechanisms ranked in increasing order of intensity:<\/span><\/p><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The <\/span><b>misalignment<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is when you do something contrary to what you want in order to adapt to your environment (you sacrifice yourself to minimize the threat) and ultimately maximize your chances of being loved (reminder: staying in connection is essential to your survival). You know what you want but you prioritize what others expect of you.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The <\/span><b>absence of boundaries<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is the level above. You&#8217;ve been so misaligned or disrespected that you no longer know how to distinguish what your own boundaries are, your own needs and you go either into too much or into vagueness. It&#8217;s as if there&#8217;s no longer a barrier between you and others.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Powerlessness in the face of lack of control and the unknown<\/b><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> This mechanism occurs when the level of threat is sudden or intense enough and you had no control over the situation. It can trigger 2 opposite reactions: either you try to maintain control at all costs or you freeze and endure even if internally you want to act.<\/span><\/li><\/ul><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Category_1_Misalignment\"><\/span><b><i>Category 1: Misalignment <\/i><\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Misalignment is a mechanism of <\/span><b>adapting your actions<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to reduce external threat or maintain connection. In love, this mechanism shows up in different forms:<\/span> <\/p><ul><li style=\"list-style-type: none;\"><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">S<\/span><b>elf-betrayal.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> You know your boundaries but you don&#8217;t respect your own boundaries (what you say or do is not aligned with your own boundaries or needs), you communicate your boundaries but let others encroach on your boundaries (you don&#8217;t react), you lie to yourself and minimize the other&#8217;s actions (you underestimate).<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><b>avoid situations<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> where you feel misalignment instead of confronting them, for example by avoiding clarifying the status of the relationship with your crush.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><b>jump quickly into projections<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> instead of observing the facts (mental escape), for example you act as if you&#8217;re in a relationship after a few dates even though your date hasn&#8217;t clearly said they want to commit to you or &#8220;signs&#8221; are more important than facts, for example you consult horoscopes or tarot, you pay attention to signs from the universe that &#8220;explain&#8221; your meeting, you stay in an unfulfilling relationship because you think it&#8217;s your twin flame.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><b>&#8220;attack&#8221; before there&#8217;s a real threat<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. The best defense being offense, you find yourself getting worked up and anticipating the worst at the slightest decrease in your partner&#8217;s interest.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&#8217;re <\/span><b>stuck in doing<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You feel powerless about your romantic situation and unable to take action: difficulty leaving even though you&#8217;re not happy, difficulty creating opportunities to meet people even though you want to be in a relationship, difficulty having a difficult conversation.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><b>adopt a model you know<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You notice that you act like your mother or father in relationships (who forgot themselves, who sacrificed themselves, who was submissive&#8230;) even though consciously you reject their model.<\/span><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><ul><li aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&#8217;re <\/span><b>attracted to a model you know.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Your father or mother are far from ideal partners but you realize that you often enter into relationships with partners who have the same negative common characteristics.<\/span> <\/li><\/ul><ul><li aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&#8217;ve been so misaligned that you feel <\/span><b>boiling with anger<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> inside and you have trouble communicating without being aggressive.<\/span><\/li><\/ul><p> <\/p><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Category_2_Absence_of_Boundaries\"><\/span><b><i>Category 2: Absence of Boundaries <\/i><\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this mechanism, you no longer really have awareness of the boundary between the outside and yourself, it&#8217;s almost <\/span><b>difficult to identify if the threat comes from you or from others<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. In love, this mechanism shows up in different forms:<\/span><\/p><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>You&#8217;re not really aware of your boundaries<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You realize after the fact that your boundaries have been crossed physically or emotionally.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>You mold yourself to others&#8217; expectations to please<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. This mechanism can be more or less conscious and range from simple over-adaptation (people pleasing) to the impression of having lived for others or having forged an identity that reflects what others expect of you and you no longer know who you really are. (Submission)<\/span> <\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Indecision<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. There&#8217;s been so much disrespect of your boundaries (by yourself or others) that you no longer know what&#8217;s good or bad for you, you avoid clarifying and stay in vagueness, you have trouble sorting things out and making decisions.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>You give more importance to others&#8217; opinions<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or your partner&#8217;s opinion than to your own, you have trouble evaluating a situation and lack confidence in your judgment.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may <\/span><b>have trouble &#8220;closing&#8221; your options<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: breaking up, keeping your flirtations &#8220;open&#8221; just in case, postponing the moment when you&#8217;ll make a decision about the relationship.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Excess<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You&#8217;re constantly in too much, in excess (eating too much, working too much, being too busy, analyzing too much). In love, this translates to a feeling that relationships take all your energy, that you love too much (too much, too fast, too hard, you&#8217;re addicted to intense emotions), by the fact that you adopt savior syndrome (&#8220;he\/she has a difficult past,&#8221; &#8220;he\/she is going through a hard time&#8221;) or that you&#8217;re <\/span><b>addicted to drama<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or chaos (the &#8220;nice ones&#8221; bore you) or finally that you accept abuse from others. It&#8217;s a level above betrayal because your reaction mechanisms involve your body even more (burnout, addictions, eating disorders, rumination, anxiety, panic attacks, relational exhaustion, obsessive behaviors like stalking your crush on social media, checking their phone, dating burnout, accepting things you don&#8217;t want sexually, sexual addiction&#8230;)<\/span> <\/li><\/ul><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Category_3_Powerlessness_in_the_Face_of_Lack_of_Control_and_the_Unknown\"><\/span><b><i>Category 3: Powerlessness in the Face of Lack of Control and the Unknown <\/i><\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this mechanism, you&#8217;re in <\/span><b>constant anticipation<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of what might happen to avoid experiencing lack of control and the unknown again. In love, this mechanism shows up in different forms:<\/span> <\/p><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&#8217;re <\/span><b>hypervigilant to your partner&#8217;s actions<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: the number of times he\/she texts you, differences in what he\/she texts you, in their displays of affection, in the number of times you make love&#8230;<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You quickly feel <\/span><b>distressed in situations you can&#8217;t control, for<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> example if your partner doesn&#8217;t react as usual, doesn&#8217;t respond, if you don&#8217;t know their intentions, in case of ghosting.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&#8217;re <\/span><b>afraid of losing control over your own behaviors<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: you&#8217;re afraid of being too emotional or too reactive. In reality, you either put a lid on it and show nothing or you explode.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&#8217;re <\/span><b>reactive<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and can&#8217;t calm down anymore, can&#8217;t &#8220;regain control.&#8221;<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&#8217;re <\/span><b>afraid to dare risk<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> relationships or you go toward risk-free partners who don&#8217;t excite you.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&#8217;s <\/span><b>difficult<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for you to <\/span><b>let yourself go to your feelings<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and have the feeling of &#8220;losing control.&#8221;<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><b>tend to want to control your partner<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or to <\/span><b>take on everything<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You need to know and plan. Your partner complains of feeling suffocated.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><b>stay in the past<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and can&#8217;t turn the page after a breakup, when you remember certain events from your childhood or when you&#8217;ve made a mistake you regret.<\/span><\/li><\/ul><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Category_4_Self-Rejection_or_Rejection_of_Ones_Existence\"><\/span><b><i>Category 4: Self-Rejection or Rejection of One&#8217;s Existence <\/i><\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This mechanism occurs when you have the <\/span><b>impression that something is wrong with you<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, that you&#8217;re not enough or that who you are prevents you from being in connection. In love this mechanism shows up in different forms:<\/span> <\/p><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You feel like you have to fight or <\/span><b>earn your place to be loved<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You compensate for your being through doing but it doesn&#8217;t change the situation.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You have the feeling of <\/span><b>never being enough<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: that your appearance, your age, your personality, your intelligence&#8230; is not enough to be attractive.<\/span> <\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You try to <\/span><b>show a perfect image of yourself<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and you have trouble showing yourself authentically.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You have the feeling of not having your place, <\/span><b>of being unwanted<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and it&#8217;s as if love stays at a distance or you think that love is not for you. You feel excluded from groups.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><b>feel an emotional void<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, an inner emptiness that you can&#8217;t fill.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><b>disconnect from your sensations<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, you&#8217;ve closed your heart and your body. You have trouble feeling your emotions, whether you&#8217;re in love or not or feeling pleasure physically or sexually.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You don&#8217;t see when someone shows interest in you or you see it but don&#8217;t believe it.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><b>lose hope<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (what&#8217;s the point) and may feel like you have no luck in love or in life.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may feel like you <\/span><b>no longer feel joy<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, pleasure or don&#8217;t find meaning in life.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><b>feel like it&#8217;s easier for others<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or for the other gender.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><b>quickly feel guilty<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and turn the fight against yourself (toxic shame): &#8220;it&#8217;s my fault if it&#8217;s happening like this,&#8221; &#8220;I don&#8217;t deserve to,&#8221; &#8220;I&#8217;ve ruined everything again&#8221; &#8220;who do you think you are&#8221; &#8220;who are you to think that&#8230;&#8221;. This mechanism can range from simple self-deprecation to self-destructive behaviors.<\/span><\/li><\/ul>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f6b1f5c elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"f6b1f5c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What_About_Lise_Bourbeaus_5_Wounds\"><\/span>What About Lise Bourbeau's 5 Wounds?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8a0530c elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"8a0530c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you love Lise Bourbeau&#8217;s book on the 5 wounds of the soul like I do, I&#8217;ll make the connection between the 2 pathways I identified previously and the 5 wounds:<\/span><\/p><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Threat pathway: Wound of abandonment, betrayal and humiliation<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Rejection pathway: Wound of rejection and injustice<\/span><\/li><\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As I explained in episode 152, not all events have the same impact on you. Your nervous system is your survival system and it&#8217;s possible that other mechanisms or events impact your relationships more than Lise Bourbeau&#8217;s 5 wounds.  <\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I talk in more detail about Lise Bourbeau&#8217;s 5 Wounds in <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wound-abandonment-love-lise-bourbeau\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">episodes 14 to 18<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of the podcast.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-831cf2a elementor-hidden-desktop elementor-hidden-tablet elementor-hidden-mobile elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"831cf2a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Going_Further\"><\/span>Going Further<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e33e903 elementor-hidden-desktop elementor-hidden-tablet elementor-hidden-mobile elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"e33e903\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you want to explore the subject further and identify your own relationship patterns you have my book <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Opening Up to Love<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> available in all bookstores.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-71d83859 elementor-section-height-min-height elementor-section-content-middle elementor-hidden-desktop elementor-hidden-tablet elementor-hidden-mobile elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-items-middle\" data-id=\"71d83859\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-no\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-2528a3b5\" data-id=\"2528a3b5\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-26043217 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"26043217\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-309c58ca\" data-id=\"309c58ca\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-615d06f5 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"615d06f5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1771\" height=\"1535\" src=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1.png\" class=\"attachment-2048x2048 size-2048x2048 wp-image-1075258\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1.png 1771w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1-300x260.png 300w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1-1024x888.png 1024w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1-768x666.png 768w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1-1536x1331.png 1536w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1-600x520.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1771px) 100vw, 1771px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-6939cace\" data-id=\"6939cace\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-51bb85bb elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"51bb85bb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-medium\">Opening Up to Love<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-33f8d0df elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"33f8d0df\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\">The book that will help you identify your relationship patterns and learn the keys to building a healthy relationship<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-1b874d70 elementor-hidden-desktop elementor-hidden-tablet elementor-hidden-mobile elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"1b874d70\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-41021354\" data-id=\"41021354\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-37f59854 elementor-align-center elementor-mobile-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"37f59854\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-md\" href=\"https:\/\/www.payot.ch\/Detail\/souvrir_a_lamour-sandy_kaufmann-9782416018374?cId=0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">buy the book in Switzerland<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7bbd110b elementor-align-center elementor-mobile-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"7bbd110b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-md\" href=\"https:\/\/www.fr.fnac.be\/a20905116\/Sandy-Kaufmann-S-ouvrir-a-l-amour\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">buy the book in Belgium<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5eab7162 elementor-align-center elementor-mobile-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"5eab7162\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-md\" href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.fr\/Souvrir-lamour-solution-trouvait-vague\/dp\/241601837X\/ref=sr_1_1?__mk_fr_FR=%C3%85M%C3%85%C5%BD%C3%95%C3%91&#038;crid=34X1WHY4F6R6M&#038;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.P4fazNelf0Y7l5P-HwksxYB_HgxSzDkpdR-VBfQ4UgqWCf1MmoNsqYJeTp_u-aqgaQ1HvDh0iUVWxP1Vgjz-SRlpEONGz0jUsSQ8pNN7dlmcvrAJy99RkQt_lBV3PiDXVjrULzVYSBoOjMX5UOeRlPhTONtPPoIZb0kjw8FdLhA.MsZ1YqqGMK9exw4XUlICPV1qKS3NeiEjEzvog0HYqHE&#038;dib_tag=se&#038;keywords=sandy+kaufmann&#038;nsdOptOutParam=true&#038;qid=1734445940&#038;sprefix=sandy+kaufmann%2Caps%2C138&#038;sr=8-1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">buy the book in France<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-d37da43 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"d37da43\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4550e5e\" data-id=\"4550e5e\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-954a894 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"954a894\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Going_Further-2\"><\/span>Going Further<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b40909c elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b40909c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And if you want to work on your relationship patterns through the body and transform your love life you have the <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/opening-up-to-love\/\">Opening Up to Love<\/a> program, which includes the <strong>Past Day<\/strong> option, a day of <strong>Somatic Deprogramming<\/strong>: psycho-body approach to process the frozen areas of your nervous system and deprogram your automatic responses.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2f1a2ca elementor-align-center elementor-mobile-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"2f1a2ca\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-md\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/opening-up-to-love\/\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">Opening Up to Love<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-211fd92 elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"211fd92\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-4b747fae elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"4b747fae\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-1478e3b2\" data-id=\"1478e3b2\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-53e80f34 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"53e80f34\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-no\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-2b19f3b\" data-id=\"2b19f3b\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-33568086 elementor-section-content-bottom elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"33568086\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-7f51a38\" data-id=\"7f51a38\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5e640114 elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"5e640114\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-af4ec87 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"af4ec87\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-93adb72\" data-id=\"93adb72\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4360b3d elementor-invisible elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"4360b3d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;_animation&quot;:&quot;fadeInLeft&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\">Sandy Kaufmann\n<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-766dba76 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"766dba76\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"color: #000000; font-size: large;\"><span style=\"caret-color: #000000;\">is a somatic therapist and coach, based in Switzerland. She is the author of two books published by \u00c9ditions Eyrolles and has accompanied more than 600 people. She is the creator of the Somatic Deprogramming method and hosts the podcast &#8221; <a href=\"&quot;https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/blog\/\"> S\u2019ouvrir \u00e0 l&#8217;amour<\/a>&#8220;, ranked in the French top 50 in the relationships category.<\/span><\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-773df095\" data-id=\"773df095\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-2b0c4aa2 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-min-height elementor-section-items-stretch elementor-section-content-middle elementor-section-height-default\" 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href=\"http:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/fr\/podcast\/souvrir-%C3%A0-lamour\/id1594692189?l=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t<i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-podcast\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b0ef062 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"b0ef062\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\"><a href=\"http:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/fr\/podcast\/souvrir-%C3%A0-lamour\/id1594692189?l=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Apple<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-20 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-4b90d6c elementor-sm-33\" data-id=\"4b90d6c\" data-element_type=\"column\" 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href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCK-hi3HapAMgqRQ268Ode-A?ahttp:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/5Wz6EFR37F8Yqmzhmy0RMP\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Spotify<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4962630b\" data-id=\"4962630b\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-409b0965 elementor-icon-list--layout-traditional elementor-list-item-link-full_width elementor-widget elementor-widget-icon-list\" data-id=\"409b0965\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"icon-list.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div 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class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/label><input type=\"checkbox\"  id=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-item-6acd4b3236b6f\" checked aria-label=\"Toggle\" \/><nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/153-the-4-categories-of-relationship-patterns\/#2_Pathways_and_4_Categories_of_Relationship_Patterns_in_Love\" >2 Pathways and 4 Categories of Relationship Patterns in Love<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/153-the-4-categories-of-relationship-patterns\/#Category_1_Misalignment\" >Category 1: Misalignment<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/153-the-4-categories-of-relationship-patterns\/#Category_2_Absence_of_Boundaries\" >Category 2: Absence of Boundaries<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/153-the-4-categories-of-relationship-patterns\/#Category_3_Powerlessness_in_the_Face_of_Lack_of_Control_and_the_Unknown\" >Category 3: Powerlessness in the Face of Lack of Control and the Unknown<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/153-the-4-categories-of-relationship-patterns\/#Category_4_Self-Rejection_or_Rejection_of_Ones_Existence\" >Category 4: Self-Rejection or Rejection of One&#8217;s Existence<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/153-the-4-categories-of-relationship-patterns\/#What_About_Lise_Bourbeaus_5_Wounds\" >What About Lise Bourbeau's 5 Wounds?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/153-the-4-categories-of-relationship-patterns\/#Going_Further\" >Going Further<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-8\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/153-the-4-categories-of-relationship-patterns\/#Going_Further-2\" >Going Further<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The 4 Categories of Relationship Patterns This episode is part of a trio of episodes designed to introduce you to my approach to relationship coaching. In episode 152, I explain why your nervous system impacts the way you relate. In this episode I&#8217;m going to describe the 4 main categories of patterns based on my [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ocean_post_layout":"full-screen","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"0","ocean_second_sidebar":"0","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"0","ocean_custom_header_template":"0","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"","ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"on","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[69,71],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1197104","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-behaviour","category-couples","entry","owp-thumbs-layout-horizontal","owp-btn-normal","owp-tabs-layout-horizontal","has-no-thumbnails"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1197104","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1197104"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1197104\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1197652,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1197104\/revisions\/1197652"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1197104"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1197104"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1197104"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}