{"id":1188010,"date":"2026-09-16T07:34:04","date_gmt":"2026-09-16T07:34:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/?p=1188010"},"modified":"2026-09-16T07:46:20","modified_gmt":"2026-09-16T07:46:20","slug":"164-the-abuse-pattern","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/164-the-abuse-pattern\/","title":{"rendered":"164. The Abuse Pattern"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"1188010\" class=\"elementor elementor-1188010 elementor-1076664\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-7ed86594 elementor-section-content-top elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-min-height elementor-section-items-bottom elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"7ed86594\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-6ea7bd98\" data-id=\"6ea7bd98\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3d639127 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"3d639127\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-xl\">The Abuse Pattern\n<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-c616a8a elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"c616a8a\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-6995962\" data-id=\"6995962\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-376509b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"376509b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You have the impression of being in the &#8220;too much&#8221; in love and in your life, that you are addicted to drama, that you accumulate <strong>toxic relationships<\/strong>, that <strong>you accept abuse<\/strong> from your partners and that you cannot manage to put a stop to it, then this episode is for you. I have written two books published by <strong>Editions Eyrolles<\/strong> one of which is on the love patterns we repeat and the abuse pattern takes up a whole chapter in my book <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/livre-souvrir-a-lamour-et-si-la-solution-se-trouvait-du-cote-du-nerf-vague\/\"><em>S&#8217;ouvrir \u00e0 l&#8217;amour, et si la solution se trouvait du c\u00f4t\u00e9 du nerf vague ?<\/em><\/a><\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The abuse pattern is the step above the non-alignment pattern or the betrayal wound that I talk about in <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/15-blessure-de-trahison-comment-elle-se-manifeste-en-amour\/\">episode 15<\/a>. If you listened to <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/153-les-4-categories-de-schemas-amoureux\/\">episode 153 the 4 categories of love pattern<\/a> or if you have read my book you know that the abuse pattern comes under the category of the absence of limits. In this episode I would like to detail it a little more as it is a pattern that comes back often.<\/span>\n<p class=\"has-background\" style=\"background-color: #eeeeee;\">\u2764\ufe0f Watch <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/registrationpastwounds\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">my webinar<\/a><\/strong> on how to finally be happy in love!<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-62d37295 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"62d37295\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4e162bd6\" data-id=\"4e162bd6\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a620e1c elementor-hidden-desktop elementor-hidden-tablet elementor-hidden-mobile elementor-widget elementor-widget-shortcode\" data-id=\"a620e1c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"shortcode.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-shortcode\"><iframe name=\"Ausha Podcast Player\" frameborder=\"0\" loading=\"lazy\" id=\"ausha-7Jf4\" height=\"220\" style=\"border: none; width:100%; height:220px\" src=\"https:\/\/player.ausha.co\/?showId=bjPkYiPMPlqo&color=%23d13523&podcastId=oa6p7fxL3XgM&v=3&playerId=ausha-7Jf4\"><\/iframe><script src=\"https:\/\/player.ausha.co\/ausha-player.js\"><\/script>\n<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b8d8830 elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"b8d8830\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;youtube_url&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/youtu.be\\\/glZxL1Z2Ik4&quot;,&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;youtube&quot;,&quot;controls&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-video\"><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4dc2b12 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"4dc2b12\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_different_mechanisms_of_the_abuse_pattern\"><\/span>The different mechanisms of the abuse pattern\n\n\n<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3574bfe elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"3574bfe\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ul><li>You are constantly in <strong>the too much, in excess<\/strong> (eating too much, working too much, taking care of too much, analysing too much, seducing too much, too many projections).<\/li><li>In love, this translates into a feeling that <strong>relationships take all your energy.<\/strong><\/li><li>You <strong>love too much<\/strong> (too much, too fast, too strong, you are addicted to strong emotions)<\/li><li>You adopt <strong>the saviour syndrome<\/strong> (\u201che\/she has a heavy past\u201d, \u201che\/she is going through a difficult phase\u201d), you do too much.<\/li><li>You accept <strong>the abuse of others<\/strong>.<\/li><li>You confuse <strong>love and traumatic attachment<\/strong> I will talk about it in episode 165.<\/li><li>You <strong>are addicted to drama<\/strong> or chaos (the \u201cnice ones\u201d bore you).<\/li><\/ul>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your reaction mechanisms <strong>involve your body even more<\/strong> (burnout, addictions, eating disorders, ruminations, anxiety, panic attacks, relational exhaustion, obsessive behaviours like stalking your crush on social media, checking their phone, dating burnout, accepting things you do not want sexually, sexual addiction\u2026)<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-577618f2 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"577618f2\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4d241208\" data-id=\"4d241208\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-dc80399 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"dc80399\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_challenge_if_you_have_the_abuse_pattern\"><\/span>The challenge if you have the abuse pattern<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-442fc70 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"442fc70\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is to realise that you are in the too much, that you are beyond your own limits or those of your partner (you are often a red flag, I talk to you about this mechanism in <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/93-et-si-cetait-toi-le-red-flag\/\">episode 93<\/a>).<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The consequence of this challenge is that you have difficulty trusting your judgement to evaluate a situation.<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-d37da43 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"d37da43\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4550e5e\" data-id=\"4550e5e\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-865f677 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"865f677\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_origins_of_the_abuse_mechanism\"><\/span>The origins of the abuse mechanism<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a35cf04 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"a35cf04\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ul><li>Many years of non-alignment, betrayal.<\/li><li>Patterns linked to the body: difficult birth, eating disorders, medical interventions, rape and abuse (<a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/101-limpact-dun-viol-ou-dattouchements-sur-les-relations-amoureuses\/\">episode 101<\/a>).<\/li><li>A disorganised attachment that I call the drama attachment.<\/li><li>Strong dysregulation of your nervous system which has led to a dominant state being the dorsal: disconnection from the body, difficulties in feeling emotions.<\/li><\/ul>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Watch my w\u00e9binaire \u201c How to free yourself from love patterns to be happy in love?<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-4b747fae elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"4b747fae\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-1478e3b2\" data-id=\"1478e3b2\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-34d4985e elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"34d4985e\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-no\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-69cf8347\" data-id=\"69cf8347\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-3055c5a0 elementor-section-content-bottom elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"3055c5a0\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-6342c917\" data-id=\"6342c917\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4c21e1aa elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"4c21e1aa\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-14c742fb elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"14c742fb\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-34c2df02\" data-id=\"34c2df02\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-773bc9cf elementor-invisible elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"773bc9cf\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;_animation&quot;:&quot;fadeInLeft&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\">For you<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3806cbdd elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"3806cbdd\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"FREE_Webinar_%22HOW_TO_FREE_OURSELVES_FROM_THE_PATTERNS_THAT_PREVENT_US_FROM_BEING_HAPPY_IN_LOVE%22\"><\/span><span>FREE Webinar \n\"HOW TO FREE OURSELVES FROM THE PATTERNS THAT PREVENT US FROM BEING HAPPY IN LOVE?\"<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-34ca6916 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"34ca6916\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tSubscribe now to my newsletter and receive the replay of the webinar how a wound from the past is created ?\u00a0\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-5929d727\" data-id=\"5929d727\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-1d956aab elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"1d956aab\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div 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class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>* Mandatory fields<\/p><p>If you register for this webinar, you will be subscribed to my newsletter and you will be able to receive offers from me. You can unsubscribe at any time. Please read my<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/datenschutzbestimmungen\/\">privacy policy (german only)<\/a>, to see how I process the data.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-373fb72 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"373fb72\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-89a310e\" data-id=\"89a310e\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8146887 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"8146887\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_first_step_to_getting_out_of_the_abuse_pattern\"><\/span>The first step to getting out of the abuse pattern\n<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a161ef5 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"a161ef5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is to <strong>become aware again of your limits at the somatic level<\/strong>, to feel them (not to intellectualise them). It is a great work of listening and reconnection to the body. You have some tools in <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/58-se-reconnecter-a-son-corps\/\">episode 58<\/a>.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is a <strong>work that requires patience<\/strong> because it first requires reconnecting the body (coming out of the freeze) and welcoming all the stored emotions that have not been totally processed. <strong>It is unpleasant at the beginning because<\/strong> the protection mechanism of abuse was to no longer \u201cfeel\u201d and in coming out of the freeze, <strong>you will feel everything that you did not want to feel in the past<\/strong>. This is a phase that will require you to release this initial storage without overwhelming yourself (you can do this through breathwork or emotional release massage during the <strong>Day of the Past<\/strong>) so that you have the impression that the emotional waves are calmer.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After this initial phase, you need to no longer repeat the same mistakes and <strong>learn to process emotions<\/strong> as they arrive and <strong>learn to support yourself when they are too intense<\/strong> to avoid going back into disconnection.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For the abuse pattern, I always advise doing the deprogramming of love patterns with the psycho-corporeal approach of Somatic Deprogramming (the <strong>Day of the Past<\/strong> option in the coaching <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/opening-up-to-love\/\"><strong>Opening Up to Love<\/strong><\/a>) because the <strong>Day of the Past<\/strong> allows you to \u201creconnect the plug\u201d more easily.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I invite you to listen to <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/103-love-story-marie-anne\/\">The love story of Marie-Anne<\/a> who had this abuse pattern and who explains her transformation and how she felt after the <strong>Day of the Past<\/strong>.<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-910af1e elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"910af1e\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-61e451a\" data-id=\"61e451a\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-61b7a12 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"61b7a12\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"A_tool_to_evaluate_your_judgement_of_a_situation\"><\/span>A tool to evaluate your judgement of a situation<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9c181d3 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"9c181d3\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Taking the time to evaluate your judgement of a situation, by taking it out of your head and putting it in writing, will help you understand what led you to that judgement, evaluate it and, if necessary, correct it.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For each situation about which you are not sure of the accuracy of your evaluation, follow the steps below.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><em>Step 1: identify the state of your nervous system<\/em><\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Identifying the state of your nervous system will not only help you determine whether you are capable of self-evaluation, but also whether your evaluation is biased by your state:<ul><li>in the sympathetic state, you will tend to imagine the worst;<\/li><li>in the dorsal vagal state, you see no way out.<\/li><\/ul><\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><em>Step 2: note what you have difficulty evaluating<\/em><\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Note what you have difficulty evaluating without judging yourself.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><em>Step 3: identify what may have contributed to the situation<\/em><\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Observe objectively the actions you took that may have led to this result. Then ask yourself: if a person acted exactly as you did, what could be the impact on the situation? Do the same with your partner&#8217;s actions.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><em>Step 4: what is the best possible interpretation?<\/em><\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What would be the best possible interpretation of the other&#8217;s actions? You often observe a person&#8217;s behaviour through the repetition of their actions, so it is not \u201cbad\u201d to give the benefit of the doubt.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><em>Step 5: identify how you can dispel the doubt<\/em><\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For what you have difficulty evaluating, ask yourself in theory: \u201cHow can I estimate if a person is\u2026 next times? With what facts?\u201d<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-7e5c914 elementor-hidden-desktop elementor-hidden-tablet elementor-hidden-mobile elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"7e5c914\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-ba462f0\" data-id=\"ba462f0\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6603c14 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"6603c14\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Pour_aller_plus_loin\"><\/span>Pour aller plus loin<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8df276a elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"8df276a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Si tu as envie d\u2019approfondir le sch\u00e9ma de l\u2019abus, tu as mon livre<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/livre-souvrir-a-lamour-et-si-la-solution-se-trouvait-du-cote-du-nerf-vague\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">S\u2019ouvrir \u00e0 l\u2019amour<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> disponible dans toutes les librairies. Tu as tout un chapitre o\u00f9 je te partage des outils pour te reconnecter au corps et ressentir tes limites dans l\u2019engagement social.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-f55c022 elementor-section-height-min-height elementor-section-content-middle elementor-hidden-desktop elementor-hidden-tablet elementor-hidden-mobile elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-items-middle\" data-id=\"f55c022\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-no\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-425c10e9\" data-id=\"425c10e9\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-badef69 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"badef69\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-33fee327\" data-id=\"33fee327\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-35ddf327 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"35ddf327\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1771\" height=\"1535\" src=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1.png\" class=\"attachment-2048x2048 size-2048x2048 wp-image-1075258\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1.png 1771w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1-300x260.png 300w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1-1024x888.png 1024w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1-768x666.png 768w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1-1536x1331.png 1536w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Untitled-design-1-600x520.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1771px) 100vw, 1771px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-1cad90ea\" data-id=\"1cad90ea\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c26fa26 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"c26fa26\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-medium\">S'ouvrir \u00e0 l'Amour<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1af641f8 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"1af641f8\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\">Le livre qui va te permettre d'identifier tes sch\u00e9mas amoureux et te permettre d'apprendre les clefs pour construire une relation saine<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-57dfb0c elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"57dfb0c\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-a571f9c\" data-id=\"a571f9c\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-00a6303 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"00a6303\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Going_further\"><\/span>Going further<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b40909c elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b40909c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And if you would like to do the work on your love patterns through the body and transform your love life, you have the programme <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/opening-up-to-love\/\"><strong>Opening Up to Love<\/strong><\/a> and you can take the <strong>Day of the Past<\/strong> option as well.<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-43e34df elementor-align-center elementor-mobile-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"43e34df\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-md\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/opening-up-to-love\/\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">Opening Up to Love<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-211fd92 elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"211fd92\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-2f90d857 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"2f90d857\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-no\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-1bd25161\" data-id=\"1bd25161\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-512da60c elementor-section-content-bottom elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"512da60c\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-2bfaaba3\" data-id=\"2bfaaba3\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-312bcc0a elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"312bcc0a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-4fd76837 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"4fd76837\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-123694df\" data-id=\"123694df\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-190d47d6 elementor-invisible elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"190d47d6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;_animation&quot;:&quot;fadeInLeft&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\">Sandy Kaufmann\n<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-370b5aa2 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"370b5aa2\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"color: #000000; font-size: large;\"><span style=\"caret-color: #000000;\">is a somatic therapist and coach, based in Switzerland. She is the author of two books published by \u00c9ditions Eyrolles and has accompanied more than 600 people. She is the creator of the Somatic Deprogramming method and hosts the podcast &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/blog\/\">S&#8217;ouvrir a l&#8217;amour<\/a>&#8220;, ranked in the French top 50 in the relationships category.<\/span><\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-72655c2f\" data-id=\"72655c2f\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-2b0c4aa2 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-min-height elementor-section-items-stretch elementor-section-content-middle elementor-section-height-default\" 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class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/label><input type=\"checkbox\"  id=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-item-6aafafcb18d3f\" checked aria-label=\"Toggle\" \/><nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/164-the-abuse-pattern\/#The_different_mechanisms_of_the_abuse_pattern\" >The different mechanisms of the abuse pattern<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/164-the-abuse-pattern\/#The_challenge_if_you_have_the_abuse_pattern\" >The challenge if you have the abuse pattern<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/164-the-abuse-pattern\/#The_origins_of_the_abuse_mechanism\" >The origins of the abuse mechanism<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/164-the-abuse-pattern\/#FREE_Webinar_%22HOW_TO_FREE_OURSELVES_FROM_THE_PATTERNS_THAT_PREVENT_US_FROM_BEING_HAPPY_IN_LOVE%22\" >FREE Webinar \n\"HOW TO FREE OURSELVES FROM THE PATTERNS THAT PREVENT US FROM BEING HAPPY IN LOVE?\"<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/164-the-abuse-pattern\/#The_first_step_to_getting_out_of_the_abuse_pattern\" >The first step to getting out of the abuse pattern<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/164-the-abuse-pattern\/#A_tool_to_evaluate_your_judgement_of_a_situation\" >A tool to evaluate your judgement of a situation<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/164-the-abuse-pattern\/#Pour_aller_plus_loin\" >Pour aller plus loin<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-8\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/164-the-abuse-pattern\/#Going_further\" >Going further<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Abuse Pattern You have the impression of being in the &#8220;too much&#8221; in love and in your life, that you are addicted to drama, that you accumulate toxic relationships, that you accept abuse from your partners and that you cannot manage to put a stop to it, then this episode is for you. I [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"elementor_header_footer","format":"standard","meta":{"ocean_post_layout":"full-screen","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"0","ocean_second_sidebar":"0","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"0","ocean_custom_header_template":"0","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"0","ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"on","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[75],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1188010","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-past","entry","owp-thumbs-layout-horizontal","owp-btn-normal","owp-tabs-layout-horizontal","has-no-thumbnails"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1188010","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1188010"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1188010\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1188063,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1188010\/revisions\/1188063"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1188010"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1188010"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1188010"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}