{"id":1109965,"date":"2026-07-13T09:28:31","date_gmt":"2026-07-13T09:28:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/?p=1109965"},"modified":"2026-07-13T09:41:23","modified_gmt":"2026-07-13T09:41:23","slug":"201-why-do-your-discussions-go-round-in-circles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/201-why-do-your-discussions-go-round-in-circles\/","title":{"rendered":"201. Why Do Your Discussions Go Round in Circles?"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"1109965\" class=\"elementor elementor-1109965 elementor-1081306\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-7ed86594 elementor-section-content-top elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-min-height elementor-section-items-bottom elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"7ed86594\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-6ea7bd98\" data-id=\"6ea7bd98\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3d639127 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"3d639127\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-xl\">Why Do Your Discussions Go Round in Circles?<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-c616a8a elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"c616a8a\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-6995962\" data-id=\"6995962\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-376509b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"376509b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why do your discussions go round in circles?<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It has almost certainly happened to you: you wanted to tackle a difficult conversation with the best intentions, and you ended up in a dialogue of the deaf \u2014 the tone escalated, hurtful things were said, and instead of moving forward, you became even more disconnected from each other.<\/span>\n<strong>What are the factors that turn a conflict into a settling of scores?<\/strong>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this episode, I will walk you through the <strong>6 factors<\/strong> that make your <strong>conversations<\/strong> unproductive \u2014 and reveal the mystery guest that complicates all of them: <strong>your nervous system<\/strong>.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This episode follows on from episode 200 on why we disconnect as a couple, and episode 131 on <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/131-bien-se-disputer-comment-transformer-les-conflits-en-connexion\/\">the importance of learning to argue well<\/a>.<\/span>\n<p class=\"has-background\" style=\"background-color: #eeeeee;\">\u2764\ufe0f Watch <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/registrationpastwounds\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">my webinar<\/a><\/strong> on how to finally be happy in love<\/p>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-62d37295 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"62d37295\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4e162bd6\" data-id=\"4e162bd6\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b8d8830 elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"b8d8830\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;youtube_url&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/youtu.be\\\/WCyZ2UMrcqI&quot;,&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;youtube&quot;,&quot;controls&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-video\"><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4dc2b12 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"4dc2b12\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Factor_1_Defending_your_point_of_view_rather_than_listening_to_the_other_person\"><\/span>Factor 1: Defending your point of view rather than listening to the other person\n\n<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3574bfe elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"3574bfe\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This kind of conversation puts each partner on the defensive and prevents conflict resolution, which is only possible when you truly understand each other.<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>An example<\/strong><\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her: &#8220;I felt a bit lonely this weekend.&#8221;<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Him: &#8220;But I was there all day Saturday!&#8221;<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her: &#8220;Yes, but we didn&#8217;t really share a moment.&#8221;<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Him: &#8220;I made an effort though.&#8221;<\/span><\/p><p><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Why is this a problem?<\/strong> <\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">She is talking about a feeling, but he hears an attack. Instead of staying in listening mode, he switches to justification. His need to be recognised for what he does takes over, preventing him from validating what the other person feels.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-10bee089 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"10bee089\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-no\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-559ecb0b\" data-id=\"559ecb0b\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-120ef8b elementor-section-content-bottom elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"120ef8b\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-3f7928f4\" data-id=\"3f7928f4\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-14c9b15a elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"14c9b15a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-562e7a2d elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"562e7a2d\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-315274f2\" data-id=\"315274f2\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-70fd812b elementor-invisible elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"70fd812b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;_animation&quot;:&quot;fadeInLeft&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\">For you<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2412d27e elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"2412d27e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"FREE_Webinar_%22HOW_TO_FREE_OURSELVES_FROM_THE_PATTERNS_THAT_PREVENT_US_FROM_BEING_HAPPY_IN_LOVE%22\"><\/span><span>FREE Webinar \n\"HOW TO FREE OURSELVES FROM THE PATTERNS THAT PREVENT US FROM BEING HAPPY IN LOVE?\"<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-120a1f97 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"120a1f97\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tSubscribe now to my newsletter and receive the replay of the webinar how a wound from the past is created ?\u00a0\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-232d3a99\" data-id=\"232d3a99\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-67593924 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"67593924\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-3f0175ec\" data-id=\"3f0175ec\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a087de7 elementor-widget elementor-widget-shortcode\" data-id=\"a087de7\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"shortcode.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-shortcode\"><script src=https:\/\/sandy-kaufmann.mykajabi.com\/forms\/2149274867\/embed.js><\/script><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-16535c2f elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"16535c2f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>* Mandatory fields<\/p><p>If you register for this webinar, you will be subscribed to my newsletter and you will be able to receive offers from me. You can unsubscribe at any time. Please read my<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/datenschutzbestimmungen\/\">privacy policy (german only)<\/a>, to see how I process the data.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-577618f2 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"577618f2\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4d241208\" data-id=\"4d241208\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-dc80399 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"dc80399\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Factor_2_Talking_about_the_other_person_instead_of_talking_about_yourself\"><\/span>Factor 2: Talking about the other person instead of talking about yourself<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-442fc70 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"442fc70\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Describing what the other person does rather than expressing what you feel often leads to reproaches, judgements, or accusations.<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>An example<\/strong><\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her: &#8220;You made a decision on your own again. Honestly, you always do everything by yourself.&#8221;<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Him: &#8220;That&#8217;s not true, I just bought the tickets because the prices were going up!&#8221;<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her: &#8220;Right, you&#8217;re incapable of understanding that we&#8217;re supposed to decide together. You never listen to what I say.&#8221;<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Him: &#8220;Come on, you always react like that, we can never talk calmly.&#8221;<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Why is this a problem?<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The underlying issue is legitimate: she would have liked to be consulted. But the form \u2014 centred on the other&#8217;s behaviour \u2014 blocks the exchange. By generalising (&#8220;you always\u2026&#8221;, &#8220;you never\u2026&#8221;), she accuses rather than expressing her need to be included. Result: he closes off, justifies himself, and the message does not land. A simple &#8220;I felt sidelined when you booked without me&#8221; would likely have opened a very different conversation.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-4b747fae elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"4b747fae\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-1478e3b2\" data-id=\"1478e3b2\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-d37da43 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"d37da43\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4550e5e\" data-id=\"4550e5e\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-865f677 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"865f677\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Factor_3_Negative_interactions_outweighing_positive_ones\"><\/span>Factor 3: Negative interactions outweighing positive ones<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a35cf04 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"a35cf04\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You talk about what isn&#8217;t being done instead of asking for what would help. You criticise instead of acknowledging what is going well. This discourages and does not help resolution.<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>An example<\/strong><\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her: &#8220;I&#8217;d like you to empty the dishwasher without me having to remind you.&#8221;<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Him: &#8220;But I hoovered and put on a wash this morning&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her: &#8220;Yes, but that wasn&#8217;t what I asked for. I get the feeling you just do what suits you.&#8221;<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Why is this a problem?<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is no single &#8220;killer you&#8221; \u2014 yet the tone of the exchange is more negative than positive. She doesn&#8217;t take time to acknowledge what was done and moves straight to her frustration. He can end up feeling invisible or discouraged because his efforts go unnoticed. When the balance constantly tilts toward criticism, the motivation to cooperate diminishes.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-d4fcad9 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"d4fcad9\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-a41f86b\" data-id=\"a41f86b\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-fa5a431 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"fa5a431\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Factor_4_Underlying_wounds_dreams_and_needs_are_sensitive_subjects\"><\/span>Factor 4: Underlying wounds, dreams, and needs are sensitive subjects<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4b53e02 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"4b53e02\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>heat more quickly. The subject is sensitive \u2014 there is little room for manoeuvre.<br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>An example<\/strong><\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her: &#8220;You work all the time, I feel like I don&#8217;t exist in your eyes!&#8221;<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Him: &#8220;I&#8217;m killing myself at work so we have everything we need, and that&#8217;s the appreciation I get!&#8221;<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Why is this a problem?<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For her, the lack of quality time reactivates an old wound: the wound of rejection, experienced in childhood with parents who were often absent restaurateurs. For him, his effort to provide for his family is a way of repairing what his own father never did \u2014 a father who left home without ever paying maintenance, leaving his mother to struggle alone. She does not feel seen; he does not feel recognised. The real problem here is not the working hours, but what this situation stirs up \u2014 at a deeper level \u2014 in each of them.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-6d5d1ec elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"6d5d1ec\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-7fe4842\" data-id=\"7fe4842\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1d26e21 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"1d26e21\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Factor_5_Accumulation_of_unresolved_conflicts\"><\/span>Factor 5: Accumulation of unresolved conflicts<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1ea08cf elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"1ea08cf\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You have swept so much under the rug that, when you tackle a conflict, everything else comes flooding back.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>An example<\/strong><\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her: &#8220;Can you take out the bin, please?&#8221;<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Him: &#8220;Again? You always talk to me like I&#8217;m a child.&#8221;<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her: &#8220;Because if I don&#8217;t repeat it, nothing gets done.&#8221;<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Why is this a problem?<\/strong> It&#8217;s not (just) the bin \u2014 it&#8217;s the exhaustion of having to carry everything, the unspoken words, the old undigested arguments. What should be a simple conversation becomes a minefield, because everything that has been &#8220;set aside&#8221; comes back all at once.<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-ed9fe79 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"ed9fe79\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-905e0c8\" data-id=\"905e0c8\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-90a65bd elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"90a65bd\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Facteur_n%C2%B0_6_linvite_mystere_de_vos_conflits_vos_systemes_nerveux\"><\/span>Facteur n\u00b0 6 : l\u2019invit\u00e9 myst\u00e8re de vos conflits, vos syst\u00e8mes nerveux!\n\n<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-defd4db elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"defd4db\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is what makes you flare up, over-react defensively, or shut down in silence. And it doesn&#8217;t necessarily have a direct link to the conflict itself:<\/span>\n<ul><li>Chronic stress, a stressful day at work<\/li><li>Past wounds being reactivated<\/li><li>Our perception of the situation<\/li><\/ul>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When one of you \u2014 or sometimes both \u2014 finds themselves in a stress state where the nervous system is activated on high alert, and the partner is perceived, despite themselves, as a source of danger:<\/span>\n<ul><li><strong>If your nervous system is in the sympathetic state<\/strong>, you will tend to anticipate the worst, be defensive, become suspicious and on edge, reacting quickly \u2014 either fighting or fleeing.<\/li><li><strong>If your nervous system is in the dorsal state<\/strong>, you will lose perspective, a sense of hopelessness sets in and every interaction becomes exhausting. You will feel misunderstood, and this will hold back the desire to open up. Decoding the other person can also become difficult.<\/li><\/ul>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>In this state, a genuine heart-to-heart conversation becomes physiologically impossible<\/strong> and emotional escalation \u2014 also called co-dysregulation \u2014 becomes almost inevitable.<\/span>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Understanding how the nervous system works, recognising your own state, identifying the other person&#8217;s, and choosing to consciously regulate the dynamic radically changes the tone of your exchanges.<\/strong><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-373fb72 elementor-hidden-desktop elementor-hidden-tablet elementor-hidden-mobile elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"373fb72\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-89a310e\" data-id=\"89a310e\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8146887 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"8146887\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Pour_aller_plus_loin\"><\/span>Pour aller plus loin<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a161ef5 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"a161ef5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Si tu as envie d\u2019approfondir le sujet et de comprendre pourquoi vos discussions tournent en rond, tu as mon livre <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/fr\/livre-les-couples-heureux-osent-aborder-les-sujets-qui-fachent\/\">Les couples heureux&#8230;osent aborder les sujets qui f\u00e2chent<\/a> disponible dans toutes les librairies.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-f55c022 elementor-section-height-min-height elementor-section-content-middle elementor-hidden-desktop elementor-hidden-tablet elementor-hidden-mobile elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-items-middle\" data-id=\"f55c022\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-no\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-425c10e9\" data-id=\"425c10e9\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-badef69 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"badef69\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-33fee327\" data-id=\"33fee327\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-35ddf327 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"35ddf327\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1771\" height=\"1535\" src=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/Mockup_livre-1.png\" class=\"attachment-2048x2048 size-2048x2048 wp-image-1081512\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/Mockup_livre-1.png 1771w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/Mockup_livre-1-300x260.png 300w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/Mockup_livre-1-1024x888.png 1024w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/Mockup_livre-1-768x666.png 768w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/Mockup_livre-1-1536x1331.png 1536w, https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/Mockup_livre-1-600x520.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1771px) 100vw, 1771px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-1cad90ea\" data-id=\"1cad90ea\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1af641f8 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"1af641f8\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\">Contrairement aux id\u00e9es re\u00e7ues, les couples qui durent ne sont pas ceux qui \u00e9vitent les conflits mais qui savent les traverser.\nLe livre <i><b>Les couples heureux..osent aborder les sujets qui f\u00e2chent<\/b><\/i> t'explique comment transformer vos tensions en connexion en 5 \u00e9tapes!<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-57dfb0c elementor-hidden-desktop elementor-hidden-tablet elementor-hidden-mobile elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"57dfb0c\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-a571f9c\" data-id=\"a571f9c\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4e55add elementor-align-center elementor-mobile-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"4e55add\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-md\" href=\"https:\/\/www.payot.ch\/Detail\/les_couples_heureux_osent_aborder_les_sujets_qui_fachent-sandy_kaufmann_-9782416025259\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">j'ach\u00e8te le livre depuis la suisse<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8eff935 elementor-align-center elementor-mobile-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"8eff935\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-md\" href=\"https:\/\/www.fnac.com\/a22412708\/Sandy-Kaufmann-Les-couples-heureux-osent-aborder-les-sujets-qui-fachent\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">j'ach\u00e8te le livre depuis la france<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e6a9360 elementor-align-center elementor-mobile-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"e6a9360\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-md\" href=\"https:\/\/www.fr.fnac.be\/a22412708\/Sandy-Kaufmann-Les-couples-heureux-osent-aborder-les-sujets-qui-fachent\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">j'ach\u00e8te le livre depuis la belgique<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-f857bc2 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"f857bc2\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-fabefa5\" data-id=\"fabefa5\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1fb773d elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"1fb773d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Going_further\"><\/span>Going further<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b9fdbba elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b9fdbba\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\ud83c\udf3f\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/cultivating-love\/\"><strong>CULTIVATING LOVE<\/strong><\/a><strong> \u2014 if you are in a couple<\/strong>\nA <strong>5-month programme<\/strong> to <strong>transform your relationship<\/strong>, rediscover closeness, communication and <strong>the joy of being together<\/strong> every day.\nIt includes modules to complete at your own pace as a couple or individually, the possibility of being coached by email in complete confidentiality, the possibility of adding individual coaching sessions, as well as the <em>Day of the Past<\/em> option to deprogram love patterns through the body if you feel that your wounded inner children are taking up a lot of space in your conflicts.<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d4eeda9 elementor-align-center elementor-mobile-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"d4eeda9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-md\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/cultivating-love\/\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">CULTIVATING LOVE<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7c0f64c elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"7c0f64c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-87ebf93 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"87ebf93\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-no\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-6e570dcc\" data-id=\"6e570dcc\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-c39682c elementor-section-content-bottom elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"c39682c\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-7b182467\" data-id=\"7b182467\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-226b4352 elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"226b4352\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-377e81a8 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"377e81a8\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-1aee10da\" data-id=\"1aee10da\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-31b3e2b8 elementor-invisible elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"31b3e2b8\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;_animation&quot;:&quot;fadeInLeft&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\">Sandy Kaufmann\n<\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a8124e9 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"a8124e9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">is a somatic therapist and coach, based in Switzerland. She is the author of two books published by Editions Eyrolles and has accompanied more than 600 people. She is the creator of the Somatic Deprogramming method and hosts the podcast <a href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/blog\/\">S&#8217;ouvrir \u00e0 l&#8217;amour<\/a>, ranked in the French top 50 in the relationships category.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-13d71ede\" data-id=\"13d71ede\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-2b0c4aa2 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-min-height elementor-section-items-stretch elementor-section-content-middle elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"2b0c4aa2\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4777e6d3\" data-id=\"4777e6d3\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-5bccdb0c elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"5bccdb0c\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-20 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-102cf14 elementor-sm-33\" data-id=\"102cf14\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1cc36f72 elementor-view-default elementor-widget elementor-widget-icon\" data-id=\"1cc36f72\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"icon.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-icon-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-icon\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sandykaufmanncoaching\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t<i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fab fa-facebook-f\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-377566b6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"377566b6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sandykaufmanncoaching\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-20 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-73f1e100 elementor-sm-33\" data-id=\"73f1e100\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7152f8aa elementor-view-default elementor-widget elementor-widget-icon\" data-id=\"7152f8aa\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"icon.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-icon-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-icon\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/sandykaufmann_lovecoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t<i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fab fa-instagram\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2bf3ec34 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"2bf3ec34\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/sandykaufmann_lovecoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-20 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-76071aa1 elementor-sm-33\" data-id=\"76071aa1\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-666d090c elementor-view-default elementor-widget elementor-widget-icon\" data-id=\"666d090c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"icon.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-icon-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-icon\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCK-hi3HapAMgqRQ268Ode-A?\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t<i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fab fa-youtube\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-50f9829 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"50f9829\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCK-hi3HapAMgqRQ268Ode-A?\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Youtube<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-20 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-de702d1 elementor-sm-33\" data-id=\"de702d1\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7e03408 elementor-view-default elementor-widget elementor-widget-icon\" data-id=\"7e03408\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"icon.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-icon-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-icon\" href=\"http:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/fr\/podcast\/souvrir-%C3%A0-lamour\/id1594692189?l=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t<i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-podcast\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b0ef062 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"b0ef062\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\"><a href=\"http:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/fr\/podcast\/souvrir-%C3%A0-lamour\/id1594692189?l=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Apple<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-20 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-4b90d6c elementor-sm-33\" data-id=\"4b90d6c\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3675119 elementor-view-default elementor-widget elementor-widget-icon\" data-id=\"3675119\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"icon.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-icon-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-icon\" href=\"\">\n\t\t\t<i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fab fa-spotify\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-681ea62 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"681ea62\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCK-hi3HapAMgqRQ268Ode-A?ahttp:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/5Wz6EFR37F8Yqmzhmy0RMP\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Spotify<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4962630b\" data-id=\"4962630b\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-409b0965 elementor-icon-list--layout-traditional elementor-list-item-link-full_width elementor-widget elementor-widget-icon-list\" data-id=\"409b0965\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"icon-list.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ul class=\"elementor-icon-list-items\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<li class=\"elementor-icon-list-item\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"mailto:info@sandykaufmann.ch\">\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-icon\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"far fa-envelope\"><\/i>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-text\">info@sandykaufmann.ch<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/ul>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_84 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table des mati\u00e8res<\/p>\n<label for=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-item-6a6555d7bc354\" class=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-label\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: 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ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/201-why-do-your-discussions-go-round-in-circles\/#Factor_1_Defending_your_point_of_view_rather_than_listening_to_the_other_person\" >Factor 1: Defending your point of view rather than listening to the other person<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/201-why-do-your-discussions-go-round-in-circles\/#FREE_Webinar_%22HOW_TO_FREE_OURSELVES_FROM_THE_PATTERNS_THAT_PREVENT_US_FROM_BEING_HAPPY_IN_LOVE%22\" >FREE Webinar \n\"HOW TO FREE OURSELVES FROM THE PATTERNS THAT PREVENT US FROM BEING HAPPY IN LOVE?\"<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/201-why-do-your-discussions-go-round-in-circles\/#Factor_2_Talking_about_the_other_person_instead_of_talking_about_yourself\" >Factor 2: Talking about the other person instead of talking about yourself<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/201-why-do-your-discussions-go-round-in-circles\/#Factor_3_Negative_interactions_outweighing_positive_ones\" >Factor 3: Negative interactions outweighing positive ones<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/201-why-do-your-discussions-go-round-in-circles\/#Factor_4_Underlying_wounds_dreams_and_needs_are_sensitive_subjects\" >Factor 4: Underlying wounds, dreams, and needs are sensitive subjects<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/201-why-do-your-discussions-go-round-in-circles\/#Factor_5_Accumulation_of_unresolved_conflicts\" >Factor 5: Accumulation of unresolved conflicts<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/201-why-do-your-discussions-go-round-in-circles\/#Facteur_n%C2%B0_6_linvite_mystere_de_vos_conflits_vos_systemes_nerveux\" >Facteur n\u00b0 6 : l\u2019invit\u00e9 myst\u00e8re de vos conflits, vos syst\u00e8mes nerveux!<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-8\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/201-why-do-your-discussions-go-round-in-circles\/#Pour_aller_plus_loin\" >Pour aller plus loin<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-9\" href=\"https:\/\/sandykaufmann.ch\/en\/201-why-do-your-discussions-go-round-in-circles\/#Going_further\" >Going further<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why Do Your Discussions Go Round in Circles? Why do your discussions go round in circles? It has almost certainly happened to you: you wanted to tackle a difficult conversation with the best intentions, and you ended up in a dialogue of the deaf \u2014 the tone escalated, hurtful things were said, and instead of 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